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How Do I Find True LOVE?

by zfortadminin LOVE

Often, people think that they have to learn how to master love when they’re already in a relationship.

In reality, who you are before you ever fall in love says much more about how your relationship will work out. You might be surprised to learn that most of the work of creating true love in your life is actually done before you ever meet “the one.”

I have watched my clients and friends (and, not to mention, myself) find true love, and there are a few common themes in what comes beforehand.

Here are eight things you must master before you can invite real love into your life:

1. Don’t focus on finding a partner. Focus on building a great relationship with yourself.

If you want anything in life to work out, you must have a trusting and loving relationship with yourself first. This is the primary focus in my life coaching work, because a positive self-image truly paves to road for any happiness, opportunity, and lasting joy in life.

Check in with yourself: how do you treat yourself? How do you speak to yourself? How do you hold yourself back and why?

2. Replace anxiety with faith.

People who have found real love, didn’t get permanently caught up in anxiety, believing they will never find love. Rather, they remember to trust in divine timing. Negative, fearful thoughts only increase anxiety and an anxious mind never speaks nicely to the self.

Your thoughts create your reality, so by thinking negatively you’re essentially manifesting what you don’t want. Train yourself to think positively, expecting the good.

3. Believe (and really believe) that you deserve to be loved.

This is a frequent underlying (often unconscious) limiting belief that many of my clients carry with them: fear of not being good enough and not being love-worthy. It’s the number one way in which many people sabotage themselves and their quest for love.

If you don’t believe you’re love-worthy, why would anyone else think that you are? You have to shed this limiting belief and stop sabotaging yourself with your thoughts about yourself if you want to find true love.

4. Learn to receive the love that is offered to you.

It’s a bit counter-intuitive, but receiving is a much more vulnerable act of showing yourself to another person than giving. You are basically telling another person, “You make me happy,” which is both a very empowering statement to make and one that makes you feel vulnerable.

The question is: can you show gratitude and pleasure to other people openly and without feeling ashamed or guilty?

5. Let go of your checklist of must-haves for your ideal partner.

While it’s good to know what you like and don’t like, you also don’t want to narrow your worldview and create stubborn tunnel vision. Must-have lists are formulated from a head space, but the head isn’t what falls in love or has compassion during inevitable tough times.

Often, the qualities you will most appreciate and honor in your partner are the ones you didn’t even know you needed. Loosen up and trust that life will send you the love of your life!

6. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

Are you interpreting every ever-so-slightly confusing signal you get from a potential mate as an offense to you and a red flag or a sign that they aren’t trustworthy after all? Or are you able to stop yourself from over-analyzing everything and believe that the person you have met has their heart in the right place?

Believing in the good of another person, even if you have been disappointed, will make your life much more free and joyful. Don’t let past experiences determine your future.

7. Become an effective and honest communicator.

You cannot selectively be a good communicator with some people and a terrible communicator with others. You are either someone who has the integrity and the courage to be heard and speak their mind honestly, or you are hanging on to a tendency to suppress, avoid, or silence communication.

The good news is that communication patterns can be worked on and improved pretty much every second of your waking life. Ask yourself, “Am I honest and sincere with myself? Am I expressing myself in full integrity to what I truly think and feel?”

8. Look for good role models.

Role models matter greatly, because we learn from observing others starting the moment we were born. Even if you parents weren’t in the greatest marriage, you can look to other relationships that you admire and pick out the attributes you like the most.

When observing couples you respect try and identify exactly how the couples supports each other. How do they speak to one another? How do they show each other love? By asking these questions, you are essentially increasing your awareness for the kind of relationships that do work, rather than having a running list of things you don’t want in your own love life.

In the comments I’d love to hear from you: what can you do and improve upon now that will help make your future relationship bloom freely? I’ve seen hundreds of people work on themselves, change their expectations, and learn to embrace who they are. I know you can do this too!

Take the first step today!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How I Knew I Found Someone Special

by Robin Tranin LOVE

All I cared about is that she made me happy whenever I was around her, and she helps me help myself feel worthy of that love every day.

I’ve always been a bratty, picky introvert, lamenting about my loneliness while putting myself through self-imposed solitude. I can’t quite explain why. I love being alone yet I hate being lonely. It’s this inexplicable balance that I’ve lived with for the vast majority of my life.

I have a high capacity for love, yet a very low tolerance for stimulus. This means that while I appreciate every moment I get to spend with my friends and family, I was never able to see any one person more than twice a week before I started feeling overwhelmed. I would have to take regular breaks from seeing people.

That was, until I met my current girlfriend.

In 2012, I was going through a journey of self-discovery. That was the year I realized that I had never really been happy. I would smile and laugh occasionally, but the feeling of pure joy eluded me. I started figuring out how to love myself using cognitive behavioral therapy and meditation.

It was around this time that I met Cate. When I first got to know her, I didn’t know that she would be the person I’d want to spend my life with. We always got along made each other laugh, but I was still in the process of finding myself. I still held onto my rule of only seeing my friends twice a week. I kept a wall up, perhaps to protect myself from pain.

But one fateful day, after many months of cognitive therapy, I worked up the nerve to take a risk. For a long time, I had “jokingly” asked her on dates, which always gave her the opportunity to laugh off the situation. But not on this day.

I wanted to drop any pretense that I was joking and told her that I was serious, letting her know that I wanted to get to know her better. We finally set up our first date.

I wasn’t sure what I expected when we went out for the first time. All I wanted to do was have a good time, get to know someone new. I always enjoyed her company and our Facebook chats, and she was the smartest person I knew.

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Dating Across Cultures: The Reasons This Woman Did

by zfortadminin LOVE

What are the reasons why we find love with the Indians?

A Jewish friend of mine remarked once, only half joking, that he believed Indians are the true Chosen People. With no offense to Moses, I had to agree. I lived in India for about three years and my husband (currently known as my husPad, thanks to his appropriating the iPad he “gave me,” — but that is another column) is from New Delhi, which, in addition to providing me with lots of Indian friends and in-laws, have given me a pretty good perspective on the desirability of the people from the world’s largest democracy — and how to woo them.

Before getting to “how,” let’s start with “why.” There are obvious reasons one would want to date an Indian, such as how successful and professionally desirable they are. Indians dominate as engineers, doctors, lawyers, venture capitalists and entrepreneurs. They make up a large proportion of our graduate students — just walk around the campuses of Harvard, Columbia or Stanford or and you will see these incredibly attractive brown people all over the place. Which leads to point number two. Indian people tend to be really good looking. According to Wikipedia*, “India holds the highest number of Miss World winners, only to be tied with Venezuela.” (*That feels a little like citing The National Enquirer but I am going to go with it.)

Most Indians are innately gracious, social creatures; they highly value friends and family and have a calendar filled with various holidays and occasions to celebrate, which they typically do with gusto. Those endless jubilant dance numbers in Bollywood movies pretty much channel the Indian soul. Moreover, Indian men love to dance. If for no other reason other than you want someone to dance with you (or without you for that matter), date an Indian.

Ok, now that the stock for single Indians is up, you need to be on your game if you want to date one. If you are Indian, you can skip the rest of this post and spend the next four minutes savoring your desirability. If you are not Indian, keep reading to learn seven things that should ingratiate you with them. The first five have to do with Bollywood. Indians take Bollywood and their celebrities very seriously.

1. SRK

Two things you need to know about these initials. One, SRK is short hand for Shahrukh Khan, one of India’s premiere Bollywood celebrities. Two, you must have an opinion about him. He is a polarizing figure. Indians either love him or hate him.

2. Favorite actor

If you are pinched for time, you can simply claim SRK is your favorite and move on. But, if you want to take some initiative, I highly recommend you familiarize yourself with some Bollywood actors and choose a favorite. Some safe, attractive possibilities: Salman Khan, Aamir Khan, Hrithik Roshan and Amitabh Bachchan. Kal Penn does not count.

3. Favorite actress

See above. You need to have a favorite. You could claim that it is Aishwarya Rai, who is familiar to most Americans, although you will then be suspect as Aishwarya, while extremely beautiful and successful, is a pain in the neck. She has a reputation for being a major diva. Better options: Rani Mukherjee or Kareena Kapoor.

4. Favorite Hindi movie

It should be obvious by now that you need to have a favorite Hindi movie. If you bust out something like, “Yea, I loved Kuch Kuch Hota Hai,” you are very likely to get a second date. If not something straight out of the Kama Sutra. One strong recommendation: “3 Idiots”. It’s a newish film with crossover appeal. Major bonus points if you suggest seeing a Hindi movie together. Most major cities have theaters that screen Bollywood films otherwise you can easily stream one through Netflix, etc.

5. Bhangra

Bhangra is the percussion-heavy music that is featured in most Bollywood films. It has an irresistible beat that will motivate even the most dance-phobic types to hit the floor. Showing an appreciation for Bhangra will score you points. Finding a place that plays Bhangra music and going there together is sure to get you something straight from the Kama Sutra, especially if you exhibit the right dance moves, i.e. patting an imaginary dog while screwing in an imaginary light bulb.

6. Food

Indians love their food. Probably more than they love dancing. Unless you are willing to take some serious initiative in the kitchen, plan to go out for an Indian meal. Although this can be tricky. Many Indians would agree that it is often tough to find a good Indian restaurant, even in major cities. If you want to be adventurous and score some points, I suggest you try cooking him/her a few Indian dishes. You can get the basic spices in most grocery stores. I’m happy to share a dal recipe that is unbelievably tasty. (Really, it is called “Mrs. B’s Magic Dal.”)

7. Language

Indians love when you speak their language. (Note: there are hundreds of languages spoken in India. Aside from English, Hindi is the most prevalent but not all Indians speak Hindi so you might have to determine his/her native tongue.) Before we got together, Sanjay was greatly amused by my reciting various things in Hindi to him. I got a tourist book and told him among other things, that I was missing my green socks. Now there are several iPhone apps that will give you translations. I suggest you pick up a few and break them out at an appropriate time, probably somewhere well into the second date. You don’t want your date to think that if things go south, you will resort to stalking.

Good luck and let me know how these suggestions work out. I hope Laxmi, Goddess of Prosperity, smiles on you as you endeavor to date one of her people.

Oh yea, I almost forgot to mention: one more big bonus when it comes to dating an Indian: communication with cabbies. Think I’m kidding? New Yorkers: Just imagine if you could stop a taxi during the 4pm transition time and your date could say, in Hindi, “Hey brother, will you please take us to Spring and 6th?” You’d find Laxmi did indeed smile upon you.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

The Secret Code of Hugging

by zfortadminin Mind

What’s in a man’s hug?

Have you ever wondered what goes through one’s mind when a hug is exchanged? Well, healing takes place magically. Suddenly the world seems better. You start to feel positive about life. Like someone once said, a bear hug after a long day is sometimes all you need to feel better.

It’s a known fact that a hug is the biggest stress buster for human beings. As we humans are bound with feelings, the emotional gestures become crucial for us and hug being one of them. Having said that did you know just as we can know about a person from the way he shakes hands, same way you can know your guy the way he hugs you?

“One day someone will hug you so tight that all your broken pieces will fit back together.”

This hug day FashionLady has come up with an exclusive edition helping you understand the meaning behind his embrace. The way your beau hugs you tells a lot about his feelings for you.

Let’s Look At Different Types Of Hugs

  • The sneak hug
  • Hug with a gentle rub
  • The waist wrap hug
  • Hug with a pat
  • Hug with touching his head to yours

Now let’s look at each of the different types of hugs in detail and learn the significance of a hug, actually each of the different hugs.

The Sneak Hug

In this hug, your guy sneaks from your behind and puts his arms around your chest! In this type of a guy hug girl from behind, the feeling can be most amazing as a sneaking and sudden grab and hold will make you feel more wanted and secure. These hugs are amazing specially when given while the girl is busy cooking, doing the dishes, while she is reading a book and so on.

This kind of gesture suggests that the guy is madly in love with you. He wants you to make you realize about the oneness here, as wraps your body with his arms, while keeping your feet intertwined. As per author of Success Signals, Patti Wood, “By covering your back, he’s conveying that he wants to shelter you. He’s also flexing his masculinity — this displays his strength and dominance.”

However be warned that if you husband/boyfriend frequently hugs you from the back. You should realize that he is longing for a closer connection but thinks you’re unavailable. As per Christopher Blazina, PhD, author of The Secret Lives of Men, “He avoids hugging face-to-face because he’s worried you’re not into him.”

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