It’s Summertime, it’s lovely out, and everybody knows warm weather means taking sex outside of the bedroom! Look through this list and see what you can dream up- but remember to be careful, and that telling the police “but I read it in a blog” is not a way out of a public indecency charge, young lady!
Good idea:
In A Car
This is where many kids started getting hot and heavy, because they didn’t have their own place yet- trying to contort into some kind of reasonable position can make you feel like a kid again, although the crick in your neck tomorrow might remind you that you’re not! Also, steaming up windows is almost like having them tinted!
Bad Idea:
On A Bus
Sex in a car is dirty and clandestine, but sex on the bus is just plain dirty. The Replacements sang a great song about kissing on a bus, but they never sang about going past first base.
Good Idea:
Private Office
If you or your dude have scaled the corporate ladder and have an office with a door, that’s a super hot place to hook up- big office chair, nice big desk! Not least of all, the next time he’s having a tough meeting over quarterly reports, the memory will give him a reason to smile.
Bad Idea:
Cubicle Farm
Just like no glove, no love, if there’s no door, you can’t get more. If you don’t have enough privacy in your office to make a doctor’s appointment, you shouldn’t play doctor there.
Good Idea:
In The Forest
Getting back to nature can definitely mean going au naturel- just check for poison ivy before bedding down!
Bad Idea:
In The Park
It’s easy to feel like you found a private spot, and hard to be sure! My friend thought she was getting away with a secret shag in Griffith Park until a passing bicyclist smiled and waved at her.
Good Idea:
Kitchen
Counters, sinks, hey, is your kitchen floor clean enough to screw on? Let’s find out! Next time you’re having a leisurely morning, ask your man if he wants to butter your buns, or cook breakfast in only an apron and he’ll probably figure it out on his own.
Bad Idea:
Kitchen
This part is for safety. Don’t cook breakfast naked because: bacon spatters!
Good Idea:
Quickie in a Bathroom at a Party
You’re all dressed up and you’ve had a drink and you lock eyes with your fella, or a nice looking dude- the bathroom offers privacy, a couple of surfaces to take advantage of, and in a tile bathroom, cleanup’s a breeze!
Bad Idea:
Full On Lovemaking Session in a Bathroom at a Party
Don’t keep drunk people waiting for a bathroom too long. That leads to fights and dead, pee-soaked houseplants. You will not be invited back.
Good Idea:
On A Rooftop
An empty hotel or apartment rooftop can be a great spot for warm-weather shenanigans, to say nothing of the view!
Bad Idea:
On A Rooftop
Try to keep from yelling “I’m the King of the World!” because that can get you busted. Also, make sure the stairwell door doesn’t lock behind you lest your adventure leave you stranded up there!
Good Idea:
In The Shower
Speaking of the bathroom, the shower is a fun place to get hot and steamy and get clean, then get down, then clean again! Plan ahead with some lube.
Bad Idea:
In The Pool or Hot Tub
This can’t be said enough. Dolphins are made to have sex in the water. People aren’t. We just get squeaky and dried out. Chlorine is not your friend. Don’t do it!
Lastly, The Bad Idea That Everyone Pretends Is A Good Idea:
On An Airplane
Look, the romance of joining the mile high club is very different from the reality of trying to have a tryst on an airplane. Unless you’re on a private jet, there’s barely room for one person to be in the bathroom, let alone two. If you and your lover are small enough where you can comfortably romp in a rolling suitcase, you can probably have a good time in a plane bathroom, but you folks can just stay in the suitcase as well! Next time, try doing it in a hand towel dispenser, or a water bottle, tiny people!