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Category: Sex

Having Great Sex, In Spite of a Rare Sexual Disorder

by zfortadminin Sex

Perhaps the hardest part of having vaginismus is the stigma associated with it. “No vaginal or penetrative sex” seems to automatically mean “no sex at all” to some people, and so thousands of women are going about their lives feeling ashamed of their virginity (not that virginity is anything to be ashamed of). I know I definitely felt that way at one point, thanks to the rude and insensitive feedback from friends, lovers, and doctors. But I’ve got news for you: you are not automatically sexually inexperienced if you have vaginismus. Ladies (and people of all kinds): if you’ve had a hot and heavy makeout sesh, given/received oral sex, or have been stimulated to the point of orgasm, then you’ve had sex! Sex looks like so many different things, even way beyond my very short list, and vaginal penetration isn’t the end all be all of sexual experience. The majority of cisgender women orgasm from clitoral stimulation anyway.

But the fact is that there is just so much focus on penetrative sex, especially between hetero or hetero-seeming couples. For people like myself and my friend Georgia Haire (who also has vaginismus), people who can’t experience vaginal sex often have their sexuality downplayed or completely invalidated.

“There are so many different ways of having sex to explore that are really exciting and satisfying, so it’s frustrating when there is so much focus on penetrative sex,” she told me in an email, “and then feeling so affected by that focus that you end up feeling really bad about not achieving it. I think if there wasn’t that kind of obsession about penetration, then I would have felt more OK about talking about my issues and, like you, wouldn’t have felt excluded and crap when conversations about ‘normal’ sex came up.”

Penalizing people for their disabilities, and labeling them as “frigid” (as vaginismus sufferers are often called) instead of showing respect and compassion for their condition (caused by anything from physical factors to anxiety disorders and posttraumatic stress) is messed up. Just because I can’t fulfill your limited idea of what sex is, that doesn’t mean I’m less sexual nor do I owe you anything. But that didn’t always feel so clear to me.

In the past, I’ve had partners that put me down and even assaulted me as a result of my inability to have vaginal sex. And at the time, I felt I deserved the mistreatment. I didn’t know why my body wasn’t working to meet the standards of these straight men I was sleeping with.

Oftentimes, and in my own experience, gynos will attribute the tightness from vaginismus to sexual inexperience and nerves. In a Mic article from December about the condition, 29-year-old vaginismus sufferer Marla described her own experience after talking to her doctor about it for the first time.

“She was no help at all. I told her that sex was very painful and I didn’t think I would be able to have a pap smear. She told me that sex was supposed to feel nice, and that I should try to relax. That was it. That was all there was to it. That really put me off,” she told Mic.

My vagina tenses up because I have vaginismus, not because I don’t want to have sex. After all, I have the highest sex drive compared to most people I know. But at the time, I didn’t understand how I could be my oral-sex-loving and spanking-enthusiast self, while also being the virginal and naive person the boys I slept with saw. However, my current partner (a sex posi queer and super sensitive cutie) helped me let go of the latter idea, a self that was constructed by heteronormative society that was just simply untrue. Based on their lack of questioning and subtle implications, I never felt pressured into having penetrative sex with them. “I never prioritized vaginal sex,” my partner Skylar tells me. “In fact, I don’t generally prioritize sex in a relationship. Which is not to say that I don’t love it — I do. But the most important thing to me in a relationship is getting to know the person I’m with.”

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How Eating Tomatoes Can Support Fertility

by zfortadminin Sex

Lycopene, the substance that makes tomatoes red, is known to slow the growth of prostate cancer, and researchers hope it could also help sperm production.

SHEFFIELD, England, April 12 (UPI) — Lycopene, the substance that makes tomatoes red, could be the key to boosting sperm counts in men with infertility, according to researchers launching a study of it.

While it’s known to slow the growth of prostate cancer and lower risk for stroke, researchers at the University of Sheffield will study the effects of lycopene on infertile men.

Previous studies have indicated lycopene supplements can increase sperm counts, including one in 2014 conducted at the Cleveland Clinic that showed lycopene raised counts by up to 70 percent. Roughly one in six couples has trouble conceiving, with half due to poor sperm quality, researchers say, suggesting a treatment to increase sperm count could solve the problem.

“Little work has been done in this area,” Dr. Elizabeth Williams, a professor in the department of oncology and human metabolism at the University of Sheffield, said in a press release. “If lycopene has a beneficial effect on the prostate, it is reasonable to think it might also improve sperm function.”

The researchers plan to recruit 60 people between ages 18 and 30, randomly giving half the participants two 7-milligram lycopene capsules per day, and the rest a placebo.

Sperm and blood samples will be taken at the beginning of the study, six weeks in and then when the 12-week study is complete to measure the effects of XY Pro, an over-the-counter lactolycopene supplement.

The researchers chose XY Pro, which was developed at Cambridge University, because research has shown the supplement is absorbed well by the body.

“Studies elsewhere in the world have shown that the antioxidant properties of lycopene seem to have a beneficial effect on sperm quality and we want to investigate this further,” said Allan Pacy, a professor of andrology at the University of Sheffield. “Production of sperm takes three months. This study will tell us if lycopene improves the quality of sperm already in development by reducing DNA damage, and whether it produces an overall increase in the number of mature sperm produced overall.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Do You Love Holding Hands? Here is Why

by zfortadminin Sex

There are scientific and psychological reasons behind the reasons humans hold hands (and why so many artists write songs about it).

I can’t count how many people I’ve held hands with over the years — friends, my mom, a guy I genuinely liked, or some random boy I happened to be standing next to at a party.

I have always maintained holding hands is one of the more casual, yet simultaneously intimate physical acts. The way your fingers intertwine with another person’s is both innocent and special.

It isn’t always romantic, and it certainly doesn’t always mean something. But, it’s both pleasing and human nature to take the hand of someone else.

Maybe the last person you held hands with was your best friend when you reunited after months apart.

You wanted to be as close as possible before your real world jobs and lives in different cities separated you once again. Or maybe it was your mom, right before you boarded a plane to a new country.

Whoever it was, the reason that person held your hand wasn’t unusual or unique.

And although I might be one of the only people who prefers holding someone’s hand to going home with someone for the night, it isn’t just an odd aspect of my personality.

There are scientific and psychological reasons behind the reasons humans hold hands (and why so many artists write songs about it).

It provides comfort.

As humans, we are not only creatures of habit, we’re also creatures of comfort. We gravitate toward situations and people who make us feel as content and secure as possible.

In the scientific study, “Lending A Hand,” neuroscientists from the University of Virginia and the University of Wisconsin studied the effect the simple act of a human touch has on people in stressful situations.

In this case, the participants underwent the threat of electric shock. The researchers came to the conclusion a “loving touch reassures.”

Dr. James Coan, one of the researchers, said,

We found that holding the hand of really anyone, it made your brain work a little less hard in coping.

So whether you’re mourning a loss, had a bad day at work or you’re just feeling a little down, find a hand to hold. Because, in the wise words of the philosopher Akon,

Things will get better if you just hold my hand.

It’s natural.

Sea otters do it. Penguins do it. Even elephants do it, albeit they have to use their trunks.

 

We like to feel connected.

There’s a reason your mom was probably the first person who held your little hand. She’s the one who birthed you, the person who provided you with nourishment, warmth and a safe place to rest your head.

From day one, we are automatically connected with our mothers. Her hands led us safely across the street and grabbed our little palms before they touched the hot stove.

Her soft, now a little wrinkled, hands first taught us the meaning of a physical connection and will always remind us of the importance of a close bond.

On the other hand, holding hands can purvey a non-maternal connection. You could be with your relatively new significant other, standing in a room full of people you don’t know, each engaging in small talk with separate people.

But, the person you’re holding hands with is there. You can physically feel it. There’s no doubt in your mind that person will be there for you and will be there when the small talk dwindles to awkward silence.

Holding hands provides warmth.

Skin to skin contact is the best way to release and absorb heat — whether you forget your gloves on a brisk winter walk through the park or your apartment building decided you didn’t need heat for the month of February.

Pressure relieves pain.

Whose hand did you hold when your 8-year-old self got her ears pierced? Was your dad in the delivery room bravely holding your mom’s hand as she brought you into the world?

Did you hold your middle school boyfriend’s hand while you struggled to make it through the entirety of “The Hills Have Eyes”? (Or were you too busy being a teenager and making out in the back row?)

You automatically reach for your face if you accidentally walk into a door and try to release the stress in your shoulders after a long day hunched over your computer at work.

We’ve been programmed to see pressure as a slight, sometimes temporary, relief from pain.

And, when you think about it, someone holding your hand provides a very light form of pressure. Scientists at Johns Hopkins University found when you place pressure on the “fleshy area between the thumb and forefinger,” headaches, dental pain and anxiety can decrease.

So, when your hand is wrapped in someone else’s, his or her palm provides a similar pressure, potentially providing relief from any minor physical or mental pain you might be feeling.

 

It can serve as a powerful statement.

For instance, if a celebrity is spotted holding hands with someone, society automatically assumes the pair is together.

While simple, holding someone’s hand in public, soberly, makes a declaration. It either says you’re together, you have a close relationship or you support what the other person is doing. And humans like to make statements.

We wear graphic t-shirts, post Facebook statuses and tweet our point-of-views. It makes our existence known, and therefore relevant.

It’s convenient and easy.

When we’re walking next to someone, our hands automatically fall to our sides, parallel with the person matching our stride.

No muscle is strained. And you don’t have to worry if your hand placement is weird or if you’re doing it correctly.

It can be sexy.

If you’ve been MIA for the past three years and haven’t heard about the “Fifty Shades Of Grey” phenomenon, then you should know that, sometimes, people like to feel dominated.

Some people like when others are in charge and making decisions. Although handholding is nowhere close to handcuffing, the person with his or her hand on top, the dominant hand, usually has control.

Whether he or she means to or not, in that moment, his or her body language demonstrates a physical control of you. Which, hey, for some people, that’s kind of hot.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Can You Guess? What Times We All Like to Have Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

There’s no right or wrong time to have sex, but for whatever reason, certain days and times seem to be more popular than others.

In fact, according to a survey by the married dating site IllicitEncounters.com, there’s one time that everyone seems to be rallying around: 10:24 P.M. on Saturday nights.

It’s not too surprising, really. People don’t usually have work the next morning and couples are getting back from date nights or wrapping up romantic nights in. Whatever the reason, that’s what the survey of 1,000 couples found. People also said they hit their peak arousal at 5:35 P.M. on Saturdays, which means they must be waiting five long hours.

Generally, Saturdays were the most popular day of the week to have sex, with 42 percent of respondents saying it’s their favorite day for the activity. The least popular was Mondays, with only 1 percent of couples preferring it.

It also looks like sex drives vary by season, with 62 percent preferring to get busy in the summer, despite research suggesting higher temperatures can actually hinder our sex lives. Only four percent cited fall as their favorite time of year to get it on, and despite its reputation as “cuffing season” and its popularity among online daters, winter was the chosen season of only 20 percent of people.

For many couples, though, the timing of sex is just a matter of convenience: 45 percent said they literally schedule it to make sure they have the time. Hey, whatever works. You might even want to try scheduling it for 10:24 P.M. next Saturday to see what all the fuss is about.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Your Mind’s Interpretation of a Fetish

by zfortadminin Sex

2. The Pavlovian theory.

Researchers in the 1960s showed a group of men images of naked women alongside images of boots, Lehmiller says. Eventually, the men became aroused by the images of boots all by themselves. This boot study suggests your brain is capable of forming sexual associations around random objects even if no arousal impulse was there to begin with, Lehmiller explains. So if you’re exposed to something repeatedly during times when you’re sexually aroused, your brain might come to link that object with sexual desire. “There’s also some research showing people with higher sex drives are more likely to have uncommon sex interests,” Lehmiller adds. Why? A super-charged sex drive leads to arousal in situations where sex with a partner isn’t possible. And because there’s no one around to get busy with, super randy people may unwittingly redirect their sexual energy toward whatever’s in the immediate vicinity, Lehmiller adds.

3. The gross-out theory.

“When you’re in a high state of sexual arousal, your disgust impulse weakens,” Lehmiller says. And so the things you’d normally find repulsive (feet, spit, feces) may not seem gross. “It’s almost like a heightened state of arousal changes your perception of the world,” Lehmiller adds. “And that changed perception might lead you to incorporate different things into your sexual acts.” If you enjoy that new source of sexual stimulation, you may want to repeat whatever it is, he explains.

4. The pain theory.

Research has shown sexual pleasure and pain involve the release of many of the same brain chemicals and neurotransmitters, such as endorphins and serotonin. These chemical ties may help form connections for some people that lead to an enjoyment of pain during sex. (This chemical commonality may also explain “runner’s high” and other euphoric sensations tied to physically painful sensations.)

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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How Often Should We Be Having Sex?

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Are you having enough sex? You might have wondered if you should up your bedroom activity after reading about other couples’ resolutions to have sex every day or about all the health benefits of getting horizontal.

In what might be welcome news for everyone exhausted from work and frazzled from kids, research suggests you don’t have to get down every day to reap the rewards of sex, at least in terms of happiness and relationship closeness.

A recent study found that, although married people or people in committed relationships who had more sex tended to report feeling happier, the benefit leveled off at a sexual frequency of once a week. Those who said they did the deed four or more times a week did not report feeling any happier than those who had trysts only weekly.

I do think couples can end up feeling pressure to try to engage in sex as frequently as possible,” said Amy Muise, a postdoctoral researcher studying sexual relationships at Dalhousie University in Canada. Once a week “is maybe a more realistic goal to set than thinking you have to have sex everyday and that feels overwhelming and you avoid it,” said Muise, who is lead author of the study, which was published in November in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.

The study found that sex could boost happiness because it makes people feel more satisfied in their relationship, based on survey data from two separate cohorts, including 2,400 married couples in the U.S. National Survey of Families and Households.

“For people in relationships, their romantic relationship quality is one of the biggest predictors of their overall happiness,” Muise said. “Having sex more than once a week might not be enhancing that (relationship connection), although it is not bad.”

However, there are a couple of rubs with this research, Muise said. One is that it is not clear which came first, sex or happiness. It may be that people who have sex once a week or more were happier in their relationship and life to begin with, and not that the sex helped make them happy. Or both may be true: Sex enhances happiness and happiness enhances sex.

The other catch is that, although a weekly romp might be just what some people need, it might be too much or too little for others. “Certainly there are couples for whom having sex less frequently will be fine for their happiness, and there are couples who will get increases in happiness if they have sex more than once a week,” Muise said.

What’s the right number for you?

One of the best effects of an article like this (by Muise and her colleagues) is that it opens up conversations with couples” about their sex life, said Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist based in Berlin. For some couples, the question of how often they should have sex might not have come up, which could be a sign they feel sufficiently close and satisfied — or that they are just too busy or disconnected to think about it.

Most couples want to be having more sex and I think this is really a result of how busy and full most of our lives are,” Marin said.

Marin avoids prescribing an amount of sex that couples should have, because every couple is different, and instead recommends couples test it out for themselves. “I’m a big fan of having clients experiment, like, one month try to have sex twice a week and see how that goes, or once a week, try to play around with it,” Marin said.

As for those lucky couples that are content with how often they get busy under the sheets, one study suggests they may not want to change a thing. Researchers asked couples that were having sex about six times a month to double down on getting down. Couples that doubled their sexual frequency were in worse moods and enjoyed sex less at the end of three months than couples who had stuck to their usual level of bedroom activity.

Being told you should do something always makes it less fun,” said George Loewenstein, a professor of economics and psychology at Carnegie Mellon University and lead author of the study. That is another reason Marin does not make recommendations to couples about sexual frequency — for fear they could worry they are not living up to expectations and lose their mojo.

However, there’s a far bigger relationship problem than couples worrying they aren’t having quite enough sex — “couples that have pretty much stopped having sex,” Loewenstein said. For these couples, “I think once a week is a good final goal. … It is almost like a natural constant to do it once a week,” he said.

Even if these abstinent couples want to be having more sex, they may lack the desire for their partner. These couples can try conventional strategies, such as scheduling more quality time together or trying a change in scenery. “What couple has not had the experience that you go to a hotel in a new location in a new environment and the person you’re with seems different, and different is good when it comes to sex,” Loewenstein said.

But if these tricks aren’t enough, couples may have to appeal to their rational rather than lustful side and tell themselves to just do it. “These couples might be surprised how enjoyable it would be if they restarted,” Loewenstein said.

Should you schedule your sex?

It might sound like the least romantic thing in the world to pencil in sexy time with your partner. But if you and your partner are game to try, there is no reason not to make a sex schedule.

“For some couples, scheduling sex works really well, it gives them something to look forward to, they like the anticipation, they like feeling prioritized,” Marin said. “Then other couples (say) scheduling sex feels horrible to them, like sex is transactional and just another item on their to-do list.”

Again, Marin recommends couples experiment with scheduling sex to see if it helps them, as long as neither is opposed to it.

A good idea for all couples, whether they like the idea of scheduling sex, is to plan for quality time together — just the two of them. Ideally, this would be about 20 minutes a day with the TV off and cell phones away, but for extra busy couples, it can help to reserve just five minutes a day for a tete-a-tete, Marin said. This time is also the “container for sex,” the time and privacy when sex can be initiated, but you don’t have to feel pressure about it, she added.

Although scheduling sex can help couples that want to be having sex but just can’t find the time, it can make things worse for some. “If there are relationship issues or psychological issues such as stress or anxiety, then scheduling sex might just add to the pressure,” said Acacia Parks, associate professor of psychology at Hiram College.

As for when to schedule the sex, the best time is probably the time when you are least likely to be pulled away by life’s obligations. One of the perks of rise-and-shine sex is that testosterone levels are highest in the morning, and this hormone drives sexual desire. On the other hand, tuck-you-in sex could help lull you to sleep, as hormones released during orgasm could help you relax and feel tired.

According to Muise, the participants in her research typically reported having sex at night before going to sleep, which is not that surprising. But it has to work for both parties. “This is another point of negotiation between partners,” Muise said. “One of them is just too exhausted. That might be something to play around with, is there a time on the weekend that we could try instead.”

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

To Barter or Not to Barter for Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

Many couples experience what sexologists call “desire discrepancy”. It’s unlikely for two people to have matched levels of sexual desire during their entire relationship.

“We have to figure out how each individual gets their needs met. The three options are: resolving it within the relationship, staying together but seeking sex elsewhere, or breaking up,” Mr Tilley said.
OK, so bargaining for sex isn’t a great idea. But can it work in other parts of your relationship?

Say the man wants to take his partner to the footy, and she wants to take him to dinner with friends. Both don’t want to go to either, but they make an agreement to stick it out at the other’s chosen event.

“The dangers of that being built into the foundation of a relationship is the power and control imbalance,” Mr Tilley said. “Both partners are likely to end up feeling manipulated.”

OK, so not a great idea. Back to sex. We all want to be having more of it, so how can you negotiate that with your partner?

“Sex is not necessarily something that we use transactionally,” Mr Tilley said. “Some people might, but typically that’s not how sex operates. I think that the age old ideas of improving communication and connection in a relationship are the way forward.”

Therapy can be a good way to help couples “move past the resentment and pain” and actually come up with practical solutions to their problems.

And finally, don’t expect to have mind-blowing sex each time you get between the sheets.

“In a highly sexualised world we often set ourselves unrealistic expectations about the kind of sex we’ll be having,” Mr Tilley said.

“We’re all chasing fireworks, we all want it to be amazing all the time, and that sets us up for disappointment. If it’s good 80 per cent of the time, that’s realistic.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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How P*rn is Like Drugs

by zfortadminin Sex

“Drugs that mimic the chemical properties already in the brain and are part of this natural pleasure circuit, those are the ones that we get addicted to,” he added. “So porn isn’t crack for your eyes, crack is smoked sexual arousal.”

Struthers even contended that when people are lacking intimacy in their everyday relationships, such as with their spouse, children or parents, they will often turn to pornography to “self-medicate.”

“What happens with [porn addiction] is we starve ourselves of all these other forms of [non-genital] intimacy, and so we run to this one type of genital intimacy,” Struthers said, noting that porn then becomes “a substitute for these other forms of intimacy that we are searching for.”

“So [people] run to [porn] instead of running to those real relationships,” he added. “It’s like eating a snickers bar when you really need a salad. A snickers bar isn’t going to fulfill your proper nutritional need, and instead, it’s actually going to make you more unhealthy, but it tastes so good in that moment. So the more snickers you eat, the less sweet apples become. But if you stop eating snickers, eventually the sweetness of that apple is going to come back.”

“It’s like eating a snickers bar when you really need a salad.”
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Dr. Donald Hilton, a brain surgeon based in San Antonio, Texas, who is well-known in the medical field for his studies on pornography use, explained during his presentation the specifics of a physical pornography addiction, including how chemicals — such as dopamine and adrenaline — play a role in a user’s dependence on smut.

Eventually, as a person repeatedly uses pornography, Hilton told the gathering that the human brain physically changes itself, explaining that recent studies have proved that a human brain addicted to pornography is very similar to a human brain addicted to cocaine.

“With any learning activity, we see changes in the brain specific to the activity, whether playing the violin, juggling, taxi driving, or intense studying,” Hilton told TheBlaze. “Addiction is a powerful learning activity and also has a footprint which is characteristic in all addictions.”

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The Fears of Sex We Want to Banish

by zfortadminin Sex

4. Fear of social disapproval:

On the surface, many people are confident that they don’t really care what other people think. Yet, unconsciously, people feel ostracized for not choosing public partners who are socially acceptable. For example, similar to the fear of intimacy example above, many people will fall in love with another person but be unable to face their attraction to them because they know that society will disapprove. In the most “reasonable” circumstances this may happen when the other person is slightly overweight, disabled, from a frowned-upon social background or class or from the same sex group. In all of these cases, the much-loved person is not chosen as a life partner because there are powerful unconscious fears that prevent them from being chosen. Getting over this irrational fear is important. While the initial fears are often borne out (parents may disapprove of same sex or “unsuitable” partners), you are the person who will be living with a person with whom you want to have a long-term relationship. Examine whether your fears are more tied to social disapproval than you think.

5. Fear of responsibility:

This fear is more common than people think. Often people fear the burden of being responsible for someone else’s emotional well-being. So when their partners need a certain degree of sexual intimacy to feel less-anxious for example, this may frighten them. As a result, they may avoid receiving pleasure, gifts or even interaction with them even though they have never experienced or sensed an intimacy that would be more suitable for a life-long relationship. So they avoid the relationship altogether because the relationship is threatening. Why, apart from a genuine desire not to be responsible for someone else’s emotional well-being do people fear responsibility? This fear is also tied into the next fear.

6. Fear of disappointing others:

People often fear responsibility because they hate the idea if disappointing others. Unconsciously, they feel as though they are not up to the job. Rather than face their own lack of self-esteem, they turn this into “I don’t want to have sex.” This often has nothing to do with the expectations of the other person. However, just the idea of disappointing others is a real buzz-kill for many people whose emotional vulnerability leads them to people they can easily please, but with whom, they will have no real intimacy.

7. Fear of death:

Yes, yes. I know. You’re probably thinking: this is some hidden nonsensical psycho-mumbo-jumbo, but it really is not. It is not a coincidence that the French refer to sex as “le petit mort” which translates to “a little death.” Orgasm is the end of a brief life well-lived and stays in the brain as a metaphor of fear of death. Especially as people move on in years, this repeated death becomes a real fear and one that most people are not in touch with consciously.

Fears of sex are often not visible. They reside deep in the unconscious. For that reason, each of the fears above can take awhile to understand and reach. If you discard this understanding, you could be giving up an important and valuable experience in life.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Here’s the Hidden Meanings of Women’s Sounds During Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

4. To Make Him Feel Good

Have you ever had sex with someone who was completely silent? It’s…well, it’s a letdown to be honest. I had a lover who never moaned in pleasure, never even made a noise during sex, and I couldn’t help but feel like I was doing something wrong or that he wasn’t enjoying it (even though he was). It’s weird when they’re silent.

Moaning is a way of reassuring your lover that he or she is pleasing you. You use all of your senses to have sex, and your audial senses should not be ignored! It’s important to make noises of pleasure so your partner isn’t put off thinking the wring thing by silence. Believe me, men love those little moans (and some even prefer the loud ones!).

5. To Change His Sexual Tone

If you think of moaning as a way of expressing yourself without words, then it’s easy to see how moaning can change your man’s sexual rhythm. If you’re moaning in pleasure and then he starts doing something you don’t enjoy, you change your moan to more of an uncomfortable sound…and he changes his sex style back to something you like. It’s a way of guiding him without actually “telling” him what to do. He uses this method on you as well; it really works both ways.

6. To Hurry Things up

Some men are so aroused by your sex sounds that the more you give them, the faster they orgasm. I’ll admit: I’ve “faked” an orgasm once or twice by making some pleasurable noises for a man. It happens. Sometimes the sex has just lasted so long you’re exhausted and want him to be finished already. Sometimes you’re just not getting off and want him to hurry up so you can get on with whatever it is you were doing. As much as we’d like to think sex is always perfect…it’s not. Moaning can increase his orgasm time when you need it.

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Oral Foreplay — What’s Sexy and What’s Not

by zfortadminin Sex

3. It’s Probably Going To Take A Long Time To Orgasm From It

Of course, this isn’t always the case, and everyone’s different. But before I started having oral sex, I had no idea how long it can take both men and women to achieve orgasm this way (it takes me at least 30 minutes when I’m receiving, and I have definitely had male partners in the same boat). I’m not saying you shouldn’t go for the big finish during oral sex, because it’s a pretty awesome experience whether you’re giving or receiving. I’m just saying there’s a reason oral sex is often just a warm up instead of being the main event.

4. Some People Have A Difficult Time Achieving Orgasm During Oral Sex

Not everyone can (or wants to) climax from oral sex. Some women need internal penetration to orgasm, and both men and women can simply have a really hard time relaxing enough during oral to achieve orgasm. Personally, oral is one of the few ways I actually can have an orgasm during sex; but that doesn’t mean it happens for me every time, either. So if you or your partner can’t seem to orgasm during oral sex, no matter how long the two of you spend on each other, and no matter how well you communicate what you want during oral, don’t stress out about it. You’re not bad at sex, or doing something wrong; some people are just built differently.

5. Sometimes Oral Sex Is More Work Than It’s Worth

Don’t get me wrong — most of the time, I love both giving and receiving oral sex. That said, it is a lot of work. And for me personally, that remains true even when I’m the one on the receiving end. I obviously can’t speak for all women, but in my experience, orgasming from oral sex requires a lot of concentration. Some days, oral sex just doesn’t sound relaxing, and sex really shouldn’t feel like a chore — so if you’re not in the mood, you shouldn’t feel guilty for skipping.

6. Giving Oral Can Be Empowering

Obviously, this isn’t always the case, (see the above comment about partners getting too aggressive) but with few exceptions, giving oral has generally felt super empowering to me. Before I started having oral sex, I always thought of it as a submissive act, because I feel like it’s often depicted that way in movies and porn. But giving oral sex can actually make you feel quite in control, because whomever’s on the receiving end is actually very vulnerable. Also, if like me, you’re usually the submissive partner during sex, giving head allows you to have a turn at the dominant role.

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How Do High Heels Affect Men?

by Sarah Ewaldin Sex

A recent study finds that women wearing high heels had a significant effect on men.

Ladies, here’s something consider when you go out this weekend: A recent study finds that women wearing high heels had a significant effect on men. We know you’ve suspected it for awhile, but now we have hard proof (empirically speaking, of course).

French researcher Nicolas Geughan used a set of four experiments using young women. He controlled for other sartorial factors by dressing them in the same outfit: black skirt and blazer with white shirt. He also used three different heel heights: flat, medium (5 cm.) and tall (9 cm.).

First, the women were sent to ask pedestrians (both men and women) to participate in surveying and for restaurant suggestions. The higher the heel, the more willing a male pedestrian was willing to help: The women wearing the high heels garnered an 82-83% response rate, while the women wearing flats received only a 42-47% response rate.

Next, pedestrians were asked to respond to a dropped glove by women wearing various heel heights. Men responded to women wearing high heels 93% of the time, compared to responding 62% of the time to women wearing flats.

It’s interesting to note that within both these experiments, female pedestrians weren’t affected by the height of another woman’s heels. They actually responded less than the men in both situations: 30-36% for the surveys, and 43-52% for the dropped glove.

Geughan also measured the effect high heels had on men when approaching women in a bar. Women wearing high heels were approached by men eight minutes after entering. By contrast, women wearing flats got approached 14 minutes after entering the bar.

Ladies, with great power comes great responsibility. Use it wisely this weekend–and your whole lives.

Falling in Love and Having Sex in Spanish

by zfortadminin Sex

We ventured out of our tiny servant-quarters flat early Sunday afternoon, and there it was, one of the most beautiful sights these eyes have ever seen. The streets were overflowing with people, the courtyard across the way was filled to the brim. Sundays were the day that El Rastro took place, an enormous outdoor bazaar in the city center. After everyone finished up their shopping, they headed to La Latina for an afternoon of fun and debauchery. Everyone was drinking, rolling spliffs, laughing, kissing, dancing, and fighting. And there were men, hot men, I mean super-hotmen everywhere.

I was 22 at the time and most of my sexual experiences up to that point were with the skinny earthy liberal patchouli-reeking weenies I met in college. They had nothing on these fine-looking matadors, and I was a raging bull seeing red. This day was to be the dawn of my sexual awakening.

On any given day you would find us gringas drinking wine on a terrazaat the top of the Cava Baja, a street lined with bars and restaurants in the La Latina barrio. We quickly learned that you don’t really need the language to communicate with men. Body language was enough, and Spaniards are a very physically animated people.

Ignacio was one of my first Spanish lovers who didn’t speak a word of English. I met him at my favorite hangout, Lamiak.I saw him out of the corner of my eye because he had been staring at me intently from the second I walked in. He came up to me and the usual broken banter began. “Si, soy de Estados Unidos. Soy una profesora de Ingles.” That’s pretty much all I knew how to say then. It really didn’t matter, because talking was not the point of the conversation. My girlfriends had already paired off with their own Spaniards and after a few glasses of wine, Ignacio and I were kissing and out the door.

The first time I made love to a foreigner was incredibly exciting. I felt like I was caught up in a steamy Antonio Banderas movie. He was gorgeous with long curly hair and deep dark eyes. Part of the allure of making love with a foreigner is obviously the language itself, Spanish is incredibly sexy, especially when it’s being whispered into your ear by a dark handsome stranger as he is undoing your bra. For the most part, I had no idea what Ignacio was saying to me while we were having sex, but my god, I loved it. It was amazing … until it was over. That’s when the language barrier made me want to scratch my skin off.

He didn’t seem to fully understand that I didn’t understand a word he was saying. Perhaps he thought I was just being coy and pretending I didn’t know Spanish. He started going on and on, pointing at things around his room. I laid there, trying to read his face so I knew whether I should say “si”or “no,” or just smile awkwardly. He eventually got that I wasn’t getting it, and we lay there in silence. He seemed totally okay with it, but the neurotic Russian Jew in me was squirming with anxiety.

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This Is Why Men Are Faking Orgasm

by Sarah Ewaldin Sex

Faking orgasms were found to be related to relationship and sexual satisfaction, but could vary with motivation.

That headline made you do a double-take, right? “But…but only women fake it…right?!” No, apparently it’s not just women. (I’ll let that sink in for a moment now that everything in your world has come crashing down.)

A study published last month in a volume of “Sexual and Relationship Therapy”examines whether faking it, and why, is correlated with sexual and relationship satisfaction. Researchers looked at a sample size of 230 men ages 18-29 years old. Men reported faking it on average about 25% of sexual encounters within their current relationship, and mostly within penetrative (a.k.a. vaginal) sex. (Granted, this is self-reported data, so it’s highly possible some men are lying about their frequency of this act.) It’s unclear as to the sexual orientations of the subjects.

Faking orgasms were found to be related to relationship and sexual satisfaction, but could vary with motivation. Men with lower levels of attraction to their partners indicated that they faked it more frequently. But men who were happy with their partners also faked it “to support a partner’s emotional well-being.” Also, men who faked it when they were drunk correlated to higher levels of sexual satisfaction.

These results parallel a 2010 study published in the “Journal of Sex Research” that also examined rates of faking orgasm (though this one looked at faking for both men and women). And the numbers were near-identical: 25% of men reported faking orgasm, with 28% of men reporting that it occurred during penetrative/vaginal sex.

(Side note: each of these studies referred to faking orgasm as “pretend/pretending orgasm.” I tried to use that phrase in this post, but every time I typed it, I started giggling. Because I’m 12 years old.)

These are interesting stats, and definitely not something I knew before. But does this mean we’ll now have a cultural conversation regarding the faking-orgasm gap?

This Secret Ingredient Creates Genuine Sex Appeal

by zfortadminin Sex

That is the kind of sexy that lingers on in the mind, inviting curiosity and interest.

Selling sex appeal is a billion dollar industry. Everywhere we turn, we are bombarded with sensory stimulation that insists how buying a certain outfit, a pair of shoes, a brand name perfume, handbags, prohibitively expensive cars, underwear, accessories even a certain pair of socks will make us ooze sex appeal.  Just the thing we need to spruce up our otherwise banal existences.

Billboards are getting exceedingly edgier, not to mention television advertisements in which models adorn high-end luxury cars, sending subliminal messages suggesting that the man who purchases this car will now be armed with the adequate sex appeal to attract copious leggy models. Recently I came across an advertisement doing the rounds on the internet, of a model biting hungrily into a juicy burger as mayonnaise drips down the corners of her mouth. It makes you think, who needs the hassle of a relationship when you can have a burger that apparently provides all the sexiness, without the drama?

Have we not become overburdened with such images? Everything guarantees sex appeal and lots of attention, even a dishwasher! So pervasive are these images that once too often we have noticed the poor dear on the street that donned the latest ‘sexy trend’ only to do him or herself the gravest injustice. Sexy is neither the fabric nor the tailoring, if you don’t’ have what it takes to carry it. But the persuasive advertisements will have you convinced otherwise. They will direct you to what ‘they’ think, (“they’ who have no clue of your individuality) what you should wear and how you should look. The dirty secret ‘they’ don’t tell you is how sex appeal, like many other qualities cannot be bought at the mall because it is not sewn into the fabric of the merchandise they are trying to sell you.

It is not such a rare occurrence to come across a uniquely attractive face, that does not hold up to the standard, air-brushed images splashed across magazine covers, and yet has a certain je ne sais quoi? We know it wasn’t the clothes or the shoes, it was unmistakably a deeper element ensconced within the personality, which ever so casually oozed out of every pore of that person’s being. You look carefully and see the facial features are not quite the standard idea of beauty, despite that, the whole persona is redolent with sex appeal.
When you don’t have to buy the hottest trends, the most expensive clothing or jewellery and get your hair and make up done by a professional each time you want to be ‘seen’, and yet, you exude an appeal that makes one hunger for just another look; that is what is sexy in the truest sense. We have all too often spotted women baring it (almost) all and looked on with dismissive amusement, while none can deny being totally taken by the vision of a confident woman who’s engaging and beautiful smile had our eyes follow her halfway across the block. There is an allure, a certain mystery that sets her apart. Baring it all will attract attention, for a definitive period of time and not always the kind one seeks, whereas floating with that inner confidence and feminine presence will always invoke lasting admiration.

Sex appeal is not a product that can be purchased over-the-counter, it is a state of mind, an inner state of being. It has nothing to do with the act of sex itself. It is not to be found in your closet, in what you wear, it is inside your head. Some women and men can look incredulously sexy hailing a cab, or stirring coffee in the kitchen or watering plants.

That is because sex appeal has more to do with self-esteem and confidence than with low necklines and high skirts. Not the kind of self-assuredness that comes across as hubris, but the kind that is at peace with its strengths and its flaws.

This holds true for men too — not all men who have toiled in the gym for the buffest body will ooze it. They may warrant a head turn or two; but we have also seen men who have a certain presence, an inner confidence as they walk into a room, again, that certain je ne sais quoi. That is the kind of sexy that lingers on in the mind, inviting curiosity and interest.

Confidence and self-esteem are qualities one is hard pressed to find in abundance in both genders. So when we see it, we instantly recognize it, it always makes the individual stand apart. It’s hard to put one’s finger on what it is exactly, but suffice to say people who have worked to conquer their inadequacies and made peace with themselves are the one’s who have that evanescent appeal.

Sex appeal comes from having the confidence to not just play up one’s qualities and revel in them, but to embrace one’s imperfections too. So its not as simple as putting on a sexy outfit, because on closer look anyone will notice that there is little else beyond the outfit. It is being sexy in whatever you’re wearing or doing.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article