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Category: Sex

Let’s Face it – Fantasies and Kinks are Normal!

by zfortadminin Sex

We all have deep, passionate desires. Some people hold their kinks close as personal secrets, while others are comfortable with making their fantasy requests real! 

Let’s be honest… Most everyone has some type of secret fantasy, fetish, or kinky desire. They have something in the back of their mind (or tucked in the back of a closet) that they are just dying to share with the right partner. But, bringing up the topic with a date or mate can be difficult. How do you go from “sexual fantasies” to “reality”?

Like most things on this blog, we can find the solution in persuasion and influence! So, break out your kama sutra, BDSM gear, or that little nurses outfit, and read on. Below are 5 steps to introducing your partner to what really turns you on.

How To Get Kinky

1) Realize that Fantasies and Kinks are Normal

Before you discuss your desires with anyone else, you first must be comfortable with them yourself. You may well be your partner’s first introduction into the topic. As a result, you will be leading them. If you are comfortable, they will be comfortable. Besides, despite the often sexually-repressive culture, everyone has something a bit “kinky”. So, embrace your inner desires.

Getting comfortable with your desired fetish or fantasy serves two persuasive purposes. First, you end up modeling the type of positive behavior you hope your partner follows. Second, you “normalize” the behavior and request, making it easier for your partner to accept as part of their worldview. When they see you discussing it comfortably, they come to feel that it is a normal and comfortable topic to discuss (and later take part in). So, to be persuasive, get comfortable with your fantasy and accept it…then share it.

2) Communicate that Your Desires are Intimate and Special

There is an unfortunate misconception that fantasies, fetishes, and kink necessarily “objectify” and “distance” lovers from one another. Usually, just the opposite is true. Sharing your secret sexual cravings with a special partner can increase trust and intimacy. It is a special, private piece of who you are that you are giving to someone else.

As a result, be sure to communicate that you want to share your fantasies or fetishes as “something intimate and special, with a special person”. Highlight the fact that your partner is unique, special, and you desire to share the behavior as an intimate experience with them. This operates on the influence principle of “scarcity” – where individuals value more what is special, rare, or unique. So, when you make the request intimate and special, you also make it scarce…and irresistible.

3) Demonstrate that Others are Enjoying It

Pretty much anything you are into has some coverage in movies, magazines, videos, etc. For some reason Netflix movies seem to be a goldmine for fantasy, fetish, and kink. In any case, lightly expose your partner to a bit of that “culture”. Casually comment about an article you read. Select a movie that features that type of fetish. Show them a video online that a “buddy” happened to send you. Begin to expose them to positive representations of the activities you like.

Yes, this does follow another influence principle – the principle of social proof. Individuals often choose to do what they see other people doing (especially when those people enjoy it). So, showing or discussing positive examples of “other people doing” what you desire will make your partner more interested and agreeable to it.

4) Appeal to Your Partner’s Self-Image

We all have different “sides” or “selves”. The “self” that we have at work is different than the “self” we have with friends. Our “sexual self” is no different…and it changes over time.

To ensure your partner’s comfort and agreement with a topic, make sure to align it with aspects of their sexual self. If they believe they are “adventurous” in bed, then praise their adventurousness and suggest your kink as an adventure. If they believe they are “intimate” in bed, then tell them you love their intimacy and suggest a fantasy as a further way of getting intimate.

The appeal requires that you first get them to “commit” to a certain self-image, where they say the type of person they are. You may do this in the form of a leading question (e.g. “are you adventurous?”). Next, you affirm that self-image with an attribution of your own (e.g. “that’s what I love about you, you’re so adventurous”). Finally, you present your desire in a way consistent with that self-image (e.g. “let’s try something adventurous together”).

This process works on the self dynamics of your partner. It helps them “see themselves as the kind of person” who would engage in a fantasy, fetish, or kink. It also employs the influence principles of commitment/consistency and attribution. Individuals are motivated to remain consistent to a self-image they project (consistency) or an image that others have of them (attribution). Therefore, when their image is in agreement with a behavior…they do it.

5) Start Small and Work Up

When you introduce your partner to a fantasy or fetish, start SMALL. Don’t bring out the latex suit and full body harness, or the entire clown outfit, on the first night. Ease them into it. Just the small toy. Just the handcuffs. Then work your way up!

Starting small allows your partner time to ease in, adjust and get comfortable. It also makes a “yes” to larger requests later more likely. The principle is called the foot-in-the-door effect – where individuals who say yes to small requests initially are more likely to say yes to big requests later. So, be patient. Let your partner ease in, then introduce something more, until you get to the whole fantasy.

Conclusion

Sharing your fetish or fantasy with a partner can be a positive (and persuasive) experience. You don’t have to keep quiet. Just get comfortable with what you want, to ask calmly and confidently. Make your partner feel special and unique to share your desires. Show them positive examples of others enjoying what you like. Align the request with their self-image. Finally, start small and work your way up. Follow those steps…and you both will reach kinky bliss in no time.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Are Sex Toys the Missing Link in Your Relationship?

by zfortadminin Sex

My partner isn’t keen on the idea

If your partner isn’t keen on you using a sex toy, use it on your own or try to encourage them that using a sex toy is not replacing them but improving what you already share. It can increase trust and closeness between you and your partner. You may also find your inner sex kitten which many men will love.

I don’t want to scare my partner

Some men feel that they won’t match up to what a sex toy can do and they may be replaced by a vibrator. This couldn’t be more wrong. A third of Brits admitted to using sex toys to improve their sex life. Using sex toys together enhances sexual pleasure for both people involved.

You don’t need to buy the biggest vibrator available. Bigger is not necessarily better, it is the power of the vibrations and where and how you want to use it that matters. Also, you don’t want to frighten your partner away. Many vibrator virgins buy a smaller toy to begin with and graduate to a larger one, according to their needs.

There is no single sex toy which is right for everyone. We all have differing sexual needs and experimenting with a variety of products will enable you to find the perfect toys for you. There are many sex toys available for both sexes which provide enormous pleasure. If you have a bad experience with one toy, don’t give up: try something else. You may find that once you have persuaded your partner to try a sex toy, they will be hooked and will want to try more so don’t be afraid to use one.

I feel uncomfortable buying one from a shop

With the advent of the internet it has never been easier to buy sex toys. It is so easy to buy a high quality sex toy online in the comfort and privacy of your home. There are many sex toy websites selling a vast array of products. Ensure that you buy from a reputable supplier, selling good quality toys, preferably made from silicone, glass or metal. Latex or rubbery products contain nasty materials harmful to health and are difficult to keep clean. You need to make sure that your details are not passed on to third parties or that you will not be swamped with unwanted emails or catalogues. A reputable company will not do this. You can also find adverts selling luxury sex toys in the classified section of some magazines if you are not internet savvy. Reputable suppliers are discreet and will dispatch your product in plain packaging and some ask for a signature to ensure it has been delivered to the right person.

So stop worrying that using a sex toy can ruin your sex life, it will only enhance your pleasure and promote good sexual health.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

 

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Orgasm Together: You Can Do It!

by zfortadminin Sex

5. Lest we (and he) forget, the clitoris extends down our labia in the shape of a wishbone. So he should lick or stroke the labia while down there. Hello, O!

6. Good morning! Many women prefer getting it on in the a.m. No beer slowing down the sparks, no calzone exacting revenge….

7. Track your crimson wave—not only to save your Hanky Pankies, but because on the 13th day of your cycle (right before you ovulate), your testosterone levels peak, resulting in a higher sex drive and bigger orgasm potential. Download the Period Tracker Deluxe app ($1.99, iTunes and Google Play).

8. Seventy five percent of women told Cosmo they need to feel close to someone to orgasm. You obvs don’t have to get it on with a life partner to get off, but Herbenick, who has interviewed tens of thousands of women about their sex lives, has this advice: “Just pick someone who’s nice to you and you feel cares about you.” Also, too many women overlook this simple sex upgrade: Make eye contact. It feels so intimate, it can help you reach your peak.

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Make Sex Last Longer with Hot Foreplay

by zfortadminin Sex

Third Base

Once you’re in the privacy of your own bedroom, you may have gotten into the habit of rushing through this base—which includes any manual or oral action below the belt, say our experts. It’s a shame, considering that both men and women in long-term relationships wish foreplay would last longer: specifically, for about 18 minutes total, according to the Journal of Sex Research.

O’Reilly suggests performing this move on your guy: After asking him to close his eyes, wet your hands with lube and use them to fondle his testicles while you perform oral sex. The mixture of your slick hands and mouth will give him the sensation of two mouths on him instead of one—and will surely send him over the edge. In return, have him kneel on the floor between your legs (as they dangle off the bed) and roll the sides of his tongue together so it forms a tube. “He should slide his tongue in and out of you while pressing his lips into you in order to create wet suction—starting slowly and then picking up the pace,” says O’Reilly. Try a range of third-base acts like this and you’ll both be more likely to reach a happy ending.

Home Base

Most of the time, you’re going to go all the way. But sex that’s had this kind of a pregame is not the same as a let’s-get-naked-and-do-it quickie—especially if you, or your guy, have already climaxed. If that’s the case, it helps to call in some reinforcements. “Many couples use lubricants to maintain wetness and vibrators to add sensation to sex if they’re going for orgasm number two,” says Logan Levkoff, Ph.D., a sexologist, author, and sexual-health educator.

If two O’s are unheard of for you, it’s especially important to relax—which means forgetting about the finish. “If you focus on the goal, you may psych yourself out altogether,” says Levkoff. Control your breathing so that it’s slow and deep, and communicate to each other about what spots are too sensitive, or which moves feel just right. Overall, think of revisiting the bases “as not just physically intimate,” says Levkoff. “It’s emotionally intimate too.”

 

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Your Questions About Tantra Answered!

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Is it true that Tantric sex was created primarily for men?

That is a common misconception that appeared in virtually all popular and scholarly writings on Tantra before I undertook my research. But I discovered extensive evidence to the contrary. First, mutuality is a core principle of Tantric relationship. From the first meeting onward, there are protocols to ensure that the man doesn’t manipulate or exploit the woman–she holds the right of choice. Second, Tantric texts emphasize what a man has to do to appeal to, please and merit the companionship of a woman, but there are no corresponding requirements for a woman. In fact, he has to do anything she requests and assure that she is satisfied. The practice is described as his offering of pleasure to her for the sake of her inner yogic practice.

Are there aspects of this “sexual yoga” that the uninitiated can practice?

Sexual yoga is an advanced practice, but anyone can adopt a Tantric, or spiritual, approach to sexual experience. At the core is seeing the experience as an energy event–that is, a merging of two energy fields–and being attentive to how the interplay of energies ignites a dynamic inner landscape of vitality, light and imagery. Allow the light, heat and however that energy manifests to illuminate and replenish your psyche, generate positive mind-states and emotions, and nourish your creativity and life journey.

Contrary to popular belief, the intended benefits of Tantra do not include enhanced sexual pleasure. For that, India has other practices, known as the “arts of love,” as taught in the Kama Sutra. The purpose of this branch of knowledge is to bring a more sophisticated artistry to the stages and skills of lovemaking in order to devote the sexual experience to spiritual cultivation.

Here are a few specific practices:

• Gaze into your partner’s eyes. Sit facing your partner for at least 20 minutes, gazing into one another’s eyes. The idea is to strive to glimpse the pure essence of your partner–the divine, sacred core.  You can boost the level of engagement by joining palms, left hands facing upward and right hands downward. Envision sending energy through the right hands and receiving through the left, circulating the current of energy that flows through both bodies, counterclockwise. This practice can be done on its own or as a prelude to union.

• See yourself as radiant light. In the middle of your lovemaking, envision yourself as an enlightened being floating through space in a sphere of light. The powerful energy available during lovemaking enhances your ability to do this. Radiate the joy and harmony of your union throughout the entire universe in the form of light rays or drops of nectar that spread happiness, illumination and healing to all beings everywhere.

• Offer pleasure to the goddess. One sexual ritual anyone can do is called “stri-puja,” which means “worship of the woman.” The man creates an altar-like setting with candles, incense and other symbols of sacredness. He then makes offerings (such as flowers and other gifts), feeds her delicacies, strokes her body with a moistened flower, massages her feet with scented oil, kneels and bows before her, and praises her. The erotic union that follows is his offering of pleasure to her, his goddess. This practice challenges the woman to embrace her sacredness, while, for the man, it is an opportunity to cultivate and express his appreciation and adoration. Surrounding the experience with sacred intent, making it a ritual, can lead to a deeper level of communion and open the way for positive emotions to infuse the relationship, such as greater harmony and gratitude for one another. The experience can go in surprising directions. (Do know that Tantra is not heterosexist. Gay and lesbian couples can adapt this practice however it suits them.)

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Crave This in Your Relationship?

by zfortadminin Sex

What’s Your Perfect First Sequence – Sex or Intimacy?

Men and Sex

Women feel intimacy and closeness when they talk, touch, and share their thoughts and feelings with a loved one. They are usually more interested in intimacy than in sex of and for itself.

A feeling of intimate closeness takes time to develop. Therefore, women want to take their time with a relationship. They want to go through the stages of getting to know the man, becoming friends, touching, kissing, hugging and showing affection. Eventually they get around to sex when they feel closeness and believe they are in love.

If women typically require closeness and intimacy before they experience “good sex,” does that mean they can’t and won’t have sex before they feel intimate? No, it means that sex is often not satisfying, even when orgasm takes place, without that close feeling.

When some women feel pressure to have sex before they are ready, they think, “This man doesn’t love me for me. He only loves me for what he can get.”

They might even develop resentments toward men in general.

Men, Sex and Feelings

Women are probably even more of a puzzle to men than men are to women. Even though women are important to men, they live in this mysterious other world of menses and babies and rampant emotions and even tears that men can’t or don’t want to understand.

This man who is notoriously poor at figuring out his own feelings is even worse at figuring out the feelings of a woman. Just deciding what a woman wants from him in general is fraught with danger.

Many men see sex, though, as a way to get close to women, and possibly, even a way to please them. The fact that they are usually wrong, of course, doesn’t stop a man from thinking sex can make everything right with his woman. A cure-all of great proportions… “All she needs is a good f___ ,” is a common solution to male – female problems for many men.

Very seldom is that what she needs but that is another story…

“Don’t Push Me So Hard For Sex” Women Want Time Before Sex

One young woman told me that she has to have time before sex to get to know and trust a man. She has to see him in different situations, with different people, and talk to him for hours before she will “allow” herself to even consider sex.

She continued, “One guy I dated pushed so hard for sex, that I gave in before I was ready. But that made sex basically unsatisfying. Even though chemistry was there at first, I lost interest sexually. Once I decided he wasn’t a good lover, I was ready to move on. We never gave real love a chance.”

Another women agreed that time is necessary to feel a real desire for sex. She said, “If a man pushes me to sex too quickly, the relationship rarely gets much further than a few trips to bed. Then they (men) are hurt and can’t understand why I don’t stay in love with them. They don’t get it-I never was in love with them.”

Most women agree that men who push for sex before the woman is ready had better be really good in bed. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to happen.

For whatever reason, women are a diverse group in terms of what produces pleasurable sex. It is a rare man that can be a good lover to a woman without a certain amount of experience with that particular woman.

Women can forgive fumbling, partial or non-existent erections, and premature ejaculations when they are in love. They can even call up a certain acting ability in the name of love. But when love has not been given the time it takes to grow for the woman, she often labels the man a poor lover and the relationship is stillborn in the bedroom.

Some women learn to look at sexual-timing incompatibilities with humor. One lady said, “I used to resent being pushed for sex. Now I get amused at all these guys and their gropings. Most of them end up providing me with a few funny stories to tell my girlfriends. I certainly don’t fall in love with them, but I don’t get mad at them anymore either.”

And still others avoid sex. These women feel if they put themselves in the position to get what they want: affection, touching, and cuddling, they will have to do battle not to have sex.

So some women do without desired affection, particularly in the beginning of a relationship, to avoid pressure to have sex.

Why Women and Men Have Different Sex Timeframes

How can women and men have such different timeframes for the beginning of sex in a relationship? Two reasons stand out:

  1. Our society teaches females that “nice girls don’t.” When society has taught this lesson for years, it is hard to suddenly feel sexual, even when hormones start raging in adolescence.
  2. And, probably because of the lessons of their youth, women reach their sexual peak in their mid-to-late thirties or even later, rather than when teen-age hormones first kick-in.

Age is a leveler

As men and women get older, women usually become more interested in sex for the sake of sex, and most men learn to curb some of their sexual impatience, giving closeness and love a chance to flourish. So, for many single men and women, it can be true: love and sex are both more wonderful the second time around.

Without a doubt, the sexual revolution changed the sex scene for women. Fewer virgins at marriage; more women with multiple sex partners; more women having affairs; more women having sex openly, more women opting for sex only rather than marriage, etc.

Some women felt this was a change for the better. Others saw it as unfavorable.

The Changing Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors of Women

Working outside the home also changed women’s attitudes toward sex.

The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior by Samuel Janus, Ph.D. and Cynthia Janus, M.D., copyright 1993, had some eye-opening observations along this line. They wrote, “Our study has documented many levels of sexual and social changes for both women and men in the early 1990s, but we acknowledge that women’s, not men’s, sexual attitudes and behavior have drastically changed within the past two decades.

“The enormous and ongoing change in women’s social and sex lives has separated women into entirely different groups.”

The Janus’ write, “Work-life and a workplace outside the home have given a new focus to many women’s lifestyles. The innovations transcend income earned or the nature of the work performed; more significantly, they involve a personal sense of identity that sets these women apart.”

They continued, “In the women-C (career women) and the women-H (homemaker women) groups, we found that we had two distinctly different populations, regarding sex life and life-style in general.

“Women who work part-time outside the home offered responses that were almost always between those of the women-C and women-H groups.”

Interesting!

But more interesting still was another observation of The Janus Report, “One of the most striking indications of our data involves the unprecedented levels of agreement between men and women-C (those who work full-time outside of the home), as compared to women-H, who do not work outside of the home at all. New levels of sexual affinity and relatedness can also be observed, in sharp contrast to the stereotypical sexual roles men and women have had assigned to them in the past.”

They concluded, “No longer does the man alone decide the mode of sexual gratification; most often, the couple decides together.”

The sexual revolution was followed by the reality of Herpes and AIDS and the need for safe sex. Many experts predicted a slow down for sex in general and certainly a slow down for those out in the less-safe singles’ world.

Dr. and Dr. Janus found the experts were wrong.

They reported, “Approximately one-quarter of the men (24%) and one-fifth of the women (20%) had much more sex activity. When we combined sex activity.”

They continued, “Perhaps not too surprisingly, the homemakers increased their sexual activity more than the career women did (43% versus 37%). We felt justified in assuming that more homemakers than career women were in ongoing monogamous relationships.”

Certainly a major sexual change has taken place in American society. Assertiveness regarding the “when, where, and why” of sex rather than passive acquiescence to sex is now a prerogative exercised by many American women.

If the Janus’ observations are accurate, much of this sexual change was brought about by women taking jobs outside the home and acquiring a heightened sense of personal identity.

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“Normal” Sex for a Long-Distance Couple

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

How much sex is considered ‘normal’ for a long-distance couple?

First off, “normal” is highly overrated. Let your freak flag fly, as I always say. But if you’re trying to figure out whether your sex life in a long-distance relationship is normal, there are a few signs things are easy breezy — and a few things you can add to your repertoire to ensure a healthy and thriving long-distance relationship. “Long-distance relationships put intimacy to the test,” says relationship psychotherapist Rachel Moheban-Wachtel. “Although the physical connection isn’t as prevalent, there are things couples can do to keep the spice alive in their relationship across the miles.”

Some of it is pretty practical: Be sure to have frequent “date nights,” travel to see each other regularly, and keep your sext game on fleek. But she also includes some other concepts — things like trusting your partner and sharing fantasies with each them — that are incredibly important in any relationship, and vital to keep an LDR going strong. It’s never, ever a good idea to compare your relationship with anyone else’s, but if you’re pining for your love from afar and are feeling a little panicky about how your situation holds up, here are a few things that should be present in every healthy sex life of couples who live in very different zip codes.

1. Date Nights

Sure, everyone knows how to Skype, but do you schedule regular date nights with your partner that are a bit more involved than just a “hey, wassup” via video chat? If so, props. If not, perhaps you should consider it. “Technology today makes it easier to have the same type of dates in long-distance relationships as couples do when they live in the same city,” says Moheban-Wachtel. “’Go to a movie’ together by watching a movie at the same time and texting comments,” she suggests. Or “play games together, such as ‘name that tune’ or ’21 questions.'”

And don’t do all of your dates fully clothed. “Schedule a phone sex or Skype date to share desires or engage in sex talk with each other,” Moheban-Wachtel says. This’ll keep things hot between face-to-face visits — and it’s fun! (More on this later.)

2. Daily Verbal Communication

It takes ~two seconds to send a text. And though it’s superfun to lob texts back and forth all day, your romance — and sex life — will take a hit if that’s all you do. “People’s lives are busy,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Texting is so much easier and faster that many long-distance couples fall into the trap of sticking exclusively to this type of communication.”

Don’t do it, she warns: “Break out of the cycle and reconnect every night before bed by having a phone conversation. You’ll feel more like you’re a part of each other’s lives, and solidify the connection on a daily basis,” which will lead to better sex when you’re face to face — or screen to screen. “Also, if you’re ever upset, verbal communication is the only good way to handle the situation,” says Moheban-Wachtel. “Speak in person or over Skype about these heavier feelings,” she recommends.

3. One Word: Trust

For the best sex of your life, you must trust your partner. One way to foster trust is to be sure to speak to your partner daily — but not just about the quotidian mundanities of life (though those are important too). “Maintaining a daily connection lets you know the other person is thinking about you and vice versa,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Actively work to maintain the other person’s trust by reassuring them they’re the only one for you.”

How to do this? “Share your lives,” she says. “Make plans. And be as open as you can with each other about your goals for the relationship. You build trust by letting the other know the level of commitment you have, and how you want the relationship to grow.”

4. Lots Of Cuddling

When you fly in for a visit, don’t hit the town night and day. “Face-to-face interaction is vital,” says Moheban-Wachtel, so “take advantage of your in-person time together by staying in and enjoying the intimacy of being together.” Sex will obviously be on the menu, but for the best sex life — LDR or otherwise — make time to snuggle. “Touch, cuddle, enjoy each other physically, since distance doesn’t allow you to experience this part of your relationship,” Moheban-Wachtel says.

5. Sexting Regularly

Couples in a long-distance relationship become expert sexters sooner or later — sextperts, if you will. This is a good thing, Moheban-Wachtel says: “Not only is sexting normal when you’re separated by distance, it’s also healthy. Keep the spark alive and maintain a sexual connection with pictures and shared fantasies.” It’s fun to change it up in this realm by incorporating Snapchat and other photo/video apps, so as to keep things playful and keep each other excited and interested.

6. Love Letters

I don’t know if I would call this “normal” in this day and age, unfortunately, but this is, by far, my favorite method of keeping an LDR sex life fresh: Write hand-written letters to your long-distance love. If you’re already doing it, mad props — and things are likely smoldering in the bedroom too. (Have you ever read James Joyce’s dirty letters to his wife? Caliente.) “It’s easy to get caught in a rut of using the ever-accessible text messaging and email,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Break away from it once in awhile and surprise each other with a handwritten message.”

So get out the stationery (or go to the store and buy some, because I bet you don’t have any) and put pen to paper to express your feelings. “Old-style traditional letters are great, even with surprise gifts,” she says. If you can get in the habit of sending care packages to your boo every month or so, and vice versa, this will cultivate serious feelings of anticipation and happiness — and you know where those feelings lead. (Hint: in the direction of great sex.)

7. Frequent Visits

Sign up for a credit card affiliated with an airline, because it’s time to rack up the frequent flyer miles: “Too much distance can lead to more misunderstandings, loneliness and possibly an unnecessary disconnect,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Unless financial stress, exams or major life obligations are a concern, plan to visit each other every weekend or every other weekend. This way, the distance won’t feel quite as stressful.”

In some instances, this is much easier said than done — if you’re in LA and your beau is based in NYC, it’s unlikely you’ll be jetting back and forth every other weekend. If it’s a physical possibility, heed Moheban-Wachtel’s advice by all means. If not, prioritize face time (in addition to FaceTime) as much as possible. “By making the effort and going out of your way to see each other, you show you are working to keep the relationship alive and healthy,” says Moheban-Wachtel. Also, guess what you can do when you’re in the same room as your partner that you can’t do from afar?

8. Skype Sex

You knew this one was coming. Partly because I warned you, but also partly because — duh. It’s 2015 and we can Skype whomever we want whenever we want, wearing whatever clothing (or lack thereof) we want. “Some couples worry intimate dates over Skype is sleazy,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “It’s not. It’s normal, healthy — and necessary.”

As such, “surprise your partner with sexy outfits and different ideas on how to experience virtual intimacy,” Moheban-Wachtel suggests. Now there’s a term you don’t hear every day: “virtual intimacy.” I like it! “Maintain the sexual momentum and romance in the relationship by taking advantage of and embracing the virtues of technology,” she says. The more you trust your partner, the more comfortable you’ll feel — but keep in mind that Skype (or whatever your video chat of choice may be) sex takes practice. The more you do it, the more at ease you’ll feel doing a sexy striptease “with your partner,” aka in a room alone by yourself.

9. Being Present

Here’s an easy one: Find out what turns your partner on and do it, Moheban-Wachtel says. “Is it lingerie? Buy something new,” she suggests, and surprise your partner via video chat or next time you see them. “Is it fantasizing? Make sure to act these fantasies out when you see each other in person.” It boils down to paying attention to your partner: “Every person and couple has their own unique ways of getting excited by another person,” she says. “Understanding these will help you keep things exciting every time you meet.” This is as true outside the bedroom as it is within. If you love when your partner shows up at the airport to greet you with a clean shave, thank him when he does just that. And the same goes for whatever your partner appreciates about you — do it, and notice what effect that has on him.

10. Sharing Your Fantasies

Here’s what’s up, Moheban-Wachtel says: “If your partner is into sex toys [and you are too], embrace it. Use them to spice things up and keep the intimacy alive.” No worry if your fantasies don’t align with your partner’s, though it’s always a good idea to be as GGG as possible. “If toys aren’t your thing, flirt and have phone sex to describe exactly what you want and wish to do to each other sexually,” she says. “This can be just as spicy and sexy.” Whatever the fantasy may be, talk about your desires with your partner and vice versa for a fulfilling and top-notch sex life in an LDR — or just a regular old LTR.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Sexual vs Sensual

by Mike Lousadain Sex

Sex is such a variety of activities, that the only thing they have in common is the energy that arises in us; the felt experience. As suggested, this energy can move from not being felt at all to a highly charged state.  How does his happen?  How do we create the flow of desire that allows us to experience sex as a process, happening over time? The clue is to look at the difference between sensual and sexual energy.

Sensual energy refers to the experience arising from our senses; from smell, touch, taste, sound and a felt sense.  Sensuality is a whole body experience in the sense that all body parts and all senses are able to experience pleasure, and a sensual experience is defined by creating a general sense of wellbeing.  Because sensuality arises from the senses it is experienced in the moment, and it is an experience with no urge to ‘go anywhere’.  This is why we can be sensual, ‘cuddly’ with our friends, pets and children, where sexual energy would be inappropriate.  In relation to others, sensual energy is therefore first and foremost a connective energy. It brings us into embodied presence with the other, which creates a sense of wellbeing. Neurologically, our parasympathetic nervous system is activated, which makes us feel relaxed, loving and open.

Sexual energy is different. Although sexual energy can be felt in the whole body, it has a specific focal point that gives it a particular quality.  This focal point is mainly felt and experienced in the genitals, and even though other body parts can be stimulated, the main focus keeps returning to the genitals.  Also, it is innately charged with an increasing intensity.  Sexual energy gives us the feeling that it wants to “go somewhere”; it wants to peak in the orgasm and discharge the energy. Compared to sensual energy as embodied presence, sexual energy therefore feels much more goal oriented.  In essence it is a drive.  It is the life force energy that wants to express itself.  Connection and pleasure of the moment thus becomes secondary to this urge for the ultimate pleasure.  It can feel like something, the energy itself, is taking over.  We surrender, ultimately, to the orgasm; and in that we surrender to something greater than ourselves.

Fulfilling sex consists of an interplay between sensual and sexual energies.  It is embodied presence with the other as well as life force energy wanting to express itself in the ultimate surrender.  If we think that sex is about genital contact until we orgasm, we get trapped in a reductive idea of sex.  This is very much the reductive focus of pornography.  Ultimately this deprives us from the pleasure and energetic connection that is authentically experienced in the moment.  By consisting of sensual and sexual energies, sex can be a full body, connective experience of flow.  For this to happen we need to allow both sensual and sexual energies to arise and be expressed.  Sensuality gives us the connectivity, and sexuality gives us the urge to surrender.

In understanding our desire, thus, we need to understand that sensual and sexual energies are both part of our sexual expression.  Which one do we feel comfortable with, and which one would we like to express more fully?

Elevate Your Sex Life with Meditation

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

2. Meditation enables you to dissolve and resolve energy blockages.

With sexual meditation, you can get to the root of energy blockages and harness the power of the mind to help yourself clear your channels. Sexual partners can help each other overcome difficult blockages through engaging with each other in one of the most direct ways possible, truly seeing one another, without all the mental baggage that we usually bring to ourselves.

It is not that you create higher consciousness through sexual meditation, it is that you simply remove what has developed and blocked the consciousness. The less the space within you that is obscured and covered, the more you can see and bring about a higher level of pleasure, which is already in you. If sex is done with meditative awareness then you and your partner can experience shared sexual energy, without letting any of it go to waste on anxiety.

3. Meditation gives you a greater connection with yourself.

It is vital that we are fully present in our own bodies in order to enjoy the full pleasure potential of sex. There is a place you can float to during meditation called “the gap.” Deepak Chopra describes it as “the place without words.” It is there that your internal chatter ceases, (or at least quiets down), and you can reach higher consciousness.

When thoughts arise during sex, it’s easier to lose touch with the sensations of the present moment. This limits the richness and depth of the sex you are having. But when you meditate, you exercise the muscles that help you stay in the present moment, and become more in touch with the sensitivity of your body, allowing you to deeply experience every physical and emotional response.Couple Meditating

4. Meditation gives you a greater connection with your partner.

Sexual meditation increases emotional connection, and sex is always better when there is more emotional connection involved. The more you open up during sex, the more potential energy you can contain, and release, when having an orgasm.

When we get close to climaxing, we take shorter breaths and tense up our bodies. Sometimes, this lends itself to people feeling self-conscious, which ultimately makes orgasm harder to achieve. Meditation lets you let go of preconceived notions of what you think you are supposed to feel and allows you to just feel with no judgement.

If you’re interested in spirituality and waking up — on the right side of the bed — then sexual meditation is for you!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

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How Millennials View Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

Willing to reject labels altogether?

We live in a new era and new ways of discovering ourselves and our world around sex.
Do you feel comfortable with this or do you feel like a fish learning how to swim in new waters.

Here is a perspective of how millennials view sex.

Bisexual, pansexual, demiromantic, aromantic — the sexual identities with which people label themselves continue to become more diverse and more mainstream. But think back to the days long, long ago, when conversations about sexuality were typically limited to gay or straight and maybe, once in a while, bisexual. (Yawn, am I right?)

So what is it about millennials, who are both open to sexual fluidity and willing to reject labels altogether?

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

Eros Energy

by Mike Lousadain Sex

In order to feel our Eros energy more freely we need to understand that it is innocent, an affirmation of our aliveness not something that should bring shame or fear.  Try this experiment at home to see if you can access your Eros energy.

Lie or sit quietly and comfortably in a quiet space.  It helps if your spine is straight but relaxed.  In order for sexual energy to flow through your body it is just important that you are relaxed and feel safe and calm.

Begin by bringing your awareness to your breath.  Notice the air as it comes into your nostrils on the inhalation.  Notice the air as it leaves your body as you exhale.  Become aware of the rise of your belly and chest as you breath in.  Bring your awareness to the fall on the front of your body as you exhale.  There is no need to make the breath do anything in particular, simply bring your awareness to it.  Do just this for several minutes until you begin to feel yourself fall deeper into the experience of your body.

As you begin to relax and soften, feeling your body more acutely, bring your awareness down into your pelvis.  This does not have to be in your genitals.  Simply bring it to begin with into the larger area of your pelvis, your hips, your bottom, your anus and your genitals.  Notice how you feel in that part of your body. Do not seek to make anything happen but simply bring your awareness to it.  As you begin to relax, focus your awareness on your sacrum, that is the base of your spine, above your tailbone, the back of the girdle of the bones of the pelvis.  Note that this is not directly near your genitals and yet it is where we can first feel our sexual energy.

Imagine that you can breathe into your sacrum. In your imagination feel a tiny movement of the bones as you breathe into them.  Feel the subtlest of vibrations or movements of energy in that part of your body.  You may begin to notice warm, tingling sensations in your pelvis.  Allow them to grow and spread through your pelvis.

If at first you do not feel it – imagine that you do.  Fake it ‘til you make it! 

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Sex Adventures: Awesome for Every Couple

by zfortadminin Sex

Are you looking for more excitement and fun in your sex life?

Sometimes as a couple we encounter boredom in our relationship with our partner and that includes sex and intimacy. One of our solutions is to ask the help of relationship experts or do counseling.

Oftentimes, some solutions can be found from many different sources such as this video.

In this video you can find a list of sex adventures for every couple to try and spice up their sex life.

xoxo

How to Be Confident in Bed

by zfortadminin Body, Sex

As a woman, do you know what it takes to be more confident, ballsy and sexy as hell in bed? Find out more.

Let’s face it, sometimes feeling sexy can be hard. Like, really hard. You might ooze confidence during a work presentation, but it’s a totally different ballgame when it comes to sex. “It’s hard to be open with your sexuality—for anybody—because you feel vulnerable to rejection,” says sex expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. “The trick is to know your comfort level and then to push it just a little bit—that’s all you need.”

Now, we know it can be intimidating to make the leap from tame girl to sex goddess overnight, but a few small tweaks can make you feel wilder and more self-assured in bed. “There’s a misconception that taking charge has to be something big,” says Greer. But in reality, tiny acts can give you a major confidence boost. Test out these 10 feel-sexy-right-now moves tonight. Samantha Jones would be so proud.

Splurge on racy lingerie. Sure, you look great in a bra and underwear, but wearing something that is totally not you (like bright red lace or a sexy-as-hell corset) will make you feel like you’re actually playing into the role of a seductress, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. You don’t need to break the bank for a pearl thong—just get sexy-wear that’s a bit more risqué than your normal tastes. Find the hottest looks for your shape right here.

Play an unfamiliar character. We know, we know, we know: Sexual dress-up is so been-there-done-that. But we’re not talking about dolling up head-to-toe in a French maid uniform. Step outside the box and portray a totally new persona whose sexiness you want to emulate—like Nicki Minaj with an awesome neon wig, says psychologist and sex therapist Brandy Engler, Ph.D., author of The Men on My Couch. You’re basically channeling your sexual spirit animal (whether that’s Katy Perry or Rihanna), which will help you get into character and mask any insecurity from your everyday personality.

Make dirty talk dirtier. It is possible to make a no-brainer even sexier. Use your finger to trace a word on your partner’s body—like “kiss” or “blowjob”—and have them guess, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of NeuroLoveology: The Power to Mindful Love & Sex. If they’re right, perform the move. If they’re wrong, well, use your best judgment.

Blast a libido-pumping song. It doesn’t have to be as slow and romantic as John Legend’s “All of Me.” Listen to something that makes you feel a little wild and sensual, says Kerner, like something that would make you lose your inhibitions and dance like crazy in a club. Not only will it drown out any nerves (and any awkward noises), but it’ll also create a vibe like you’re actually sneaking away in a crowded party to hookup. What’s hotter than that?

Dim the lights. According to our recent survey, both men and women prefer dim lights for sex. It’s pretty obvious why—it’s just enough light to see what you’re doing and it gives you both a soft, flattering shadow. Use these tips to install a dimmer switch—trust us, once you have one, it’s like a two-second way to set the mood and feel so much sexier.

Spritz a special perfume. You know the bottle—it’s the one you only spray for weddings, first dates, and business dinners. Engler recommends applying this eau-du-jour before you get it on to give yourself an instant confidence boost.

Lather on oil. Essential oils make your skin look smooth, shiny, and so damn sexy. It’s the perfect alternative to lingerie that requires little to no effort (or money), says Engler. Just rub a little on your body and take a glance at yourself in the mirror. Yep, you basically look like a swimsuit model.

Accessorize. There’s something surprisingly hot and novel about keeping just one or two things on during sex, says Engler. So strip down to just your jewelry—like dangly earrings, bangles, or a long necklace—to keep that feeling of wearing an “outfit.” (If you go with fancier jewelry, make sure the clasps are tight—you wouldn’t want to lose grandma’s diamond pendant.) Or keep on those super-hot red heels that always make you feel like walking sex. These are pieces that make you feel ballsy and confident on an everyday basis—why not let them pull double duty?

Take the reins. Experts say that taking initiative is one of the top things men crave in bed—so feel free to get a little bossy. Use a soft, sensual voice and tell your guy exactly what you’re going to do to him (or what you want him to do to you), says Engler. When someone’s very specific about their demands, it can make the other person feel desirable—like they’re the only person who can satisfy these needs.

Strip in slow motion. Performing a choreographed striptease takes your focus from feeling smokin’ hot to making sure your audience has a good show, says Engler. (Not to mention, who has time for dance rehearsal?) So tone it down a notch and focus just on taking off each item of clothing in a slow and sensual way. Maintain eye contact while you gradually show hints of skin, says Engler. And don’t let your partner touch you until every piece of clothing is on the floor. This painfully slow build will make you feel totally in control and completely irresistible.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Sex Tips: Women Share Intimate Tips on How to Make Them Orgasm

by zfortadminin Sex

Best ways to make her orgasm: WOMAN share honest advice on how to give them better orgasms. Read more.

Making a woman reach the big-O can be a daunting task for even the most experienced lover.

Female orgasms can also be a subject that people find incredibly hard to talk about.

So a group of women have anonymously written a collection of 72 shorts essays enlightening men on the key to a great orgasm.

Simple named ‘How to Make Me Come’, the blog speaks openly about how to pleasure a woman.

Women were asked: “Imagine you could give this essay to a past or future sexual partner, free of judgment or repercussion. What would you want them to know?”

The results are some extremely frank sex tips that combined create a wealth of knowledge on how to be a stallion in the sack.

Many of the posts have humorous titles, but each of them make pleasurable points.

Here are some of the top sex tips shared on the blog:

GIVE HER ORAL – BUT BE GENTLE

One woman said: “When you are going down on me, begin by just making out with my pussy. Just lay sweet kisses all over it, then focus on my clit. Be gentle. I repeat, be gentle.

“Circles with your tongue are great. I hate flicking. I see it in porn all the time and I don’t get it. Let your tongue be wide and slightly firm, I HATE that thing when a tongue gets all hard and pointy at the tip.”

While another expressed the importance of oral sex.

“I dated a man for 6 months. He went down on me a total of 2 times and I didn’t orgasm once,” she said.

“Oral sex is the Mecca, it’s the feeling to end all feelings.”

BE PATIENT WITH HER ORGASMS

In a post titled ‘The Closest I’ve Cum to Cumming’ an anonymous, 32-year-old woman reveals that she’s never had an orgasm and invites people to ask her questions about it.

She writes: “Be kind to yourself. Don’t focus so much on climaxing during sexual experiences try and focus on sensations, what feels good.”

“Choose generous, loving partners who are patient and warm. Be honest with your sexual partners and let them know where you’re at.”

“If they are good guys or girls, they will stick around and explore with you. There can be no intimacy if you’re faking it or performing.”

While another pointed out that, when it comes to the female orgasm, patience is key.

“It takes a while. Sometimes I’ll masturbate for 45 minutes before I get anywhere,” she said.

STAY FOCUSSED ON HER

In one post a woman described how her ex would look visibly bored while attempting to pleasure her.

“You would finger me and would clearly be so annoyed by how long it was taking. It made me incredibly anxious. Every. Single. Time.”

TALK TO EACH OTHER

A lot of the women said they were too nervous to tell their partner what they really wanted to their face.

“Somehow the idea of a man being told what to do to please a woman sexually has come to be seen as insulting,” said one woman.

While another wrote: “I would be too ashamed to say, ‘Hey, this isn’t working for me’ because I would want them to think I was easy going and had had tons of experience.”I’d be so concerned with their finishing that I’d ignore my own. I would be too frightened to admit I wasn’t sure I knew what I wanted.”

These essays are just a tiny glimpse into the female orgasm and each woman is different. However, if you ask her what she wants, really listen and have patience you’ll get there in the end.

Curated by Karinna
Original Article

SEX: 13 Things Only Married Women Understand

by zfortadminin Sex

7. You know that married people have more sex than most people think. Because you’re living proof that your vagina doesn’t cover itself in cobwebs the second you say “I do.”

8. Your sex life is a varied and splendid thing. Sometimes you’re too tired for sex, but also sometimes you have sex THREE TIMES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON. In your face, comedians who built their entire tired stand-up sets based on the fallacy that married women hate doing it!

9. He’s super chill about period sex. Because he’s an adult human being who understands that you’re an adult human being with bodily functions.

10. You know you don’t have to swing from a trapeze to get him off. ​And he doesn’t have to spell out the Hungarian alphabet on your clitoris to drive you crazy. Yeah, the tricks are great sometimes, but often just having sex with someone you love is the very best.

11. You know how to deal with his balls. You’ve mastered the art of handling his nuts. You know each one is like a little baby miracle that responds to stimulation in its own way. You are the Master of the Balls. (Well, at least you are the master of his balls. If you get divorced and have to start over, lord help you.)

12. It’s not a total nonstop sexual smorgasbord. Just because you live with someone and sleep in the same bed every night doesn’t mean you’re both always in the mood to get busy. Just like in most relationships (unless you’re the two horniest people alive and then: Mazel!), sex isn’t always on the table.​ (Sometimes it’s on the floor! Bada bing! Don’t forget to tip your waitress!)

13. You try stuff that’s out of your comfort range but usually come back to the old standards. ​You’re adventurous because it’s fun (and also you kinda have to be so you don’t die) but usually end up doing the ol’ one-two (you know, whatever that means for you guys) because you both love it and that’s what sex is about, right?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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