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Category: Mind

Oxytocin-Based Sexual Connection

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

You can do this by simply tuning into that consciousness and recognizing that we all have within us the animal self, the human self, and the angelic self. That is the starting point: connecting with the angelic self, making sure that your connection is pure, supportive and loving. And once you have established the foundation of the angelic connection, the sky is the limit – because what you’ll realize is that the angels are actually very naughty.  ;)

Full spectrum sex is all about going all the way down the spectrum of the body’s energy centers and all the way back up again – knowing that you have the ability to experience the entire spectrum in this way.When you start from this safe, high vibrational place, you start feeling sexier, you feel more energy, more love, and you feel safe to allow your naughty vibes and your raunchiness – your true unbounded sexuality – to start coming out. Then you go ‘full spectrum’. Sharing that deeply intimate part of yourself, you connect on an emotional and energetic level, as well as physical. You connect with each other’s heart and soul as you look into each other’s eyes. And then, you can spiral down into the animal realms, having really naughty, instinctual sex, where your mind is out of the picture, and you are connecting in a deep, powerful physical way.

twin flames3

Problems often come when we go into having this sort of naughty, nasty sex before we make a spiritual connection with our partner. We might feel unsafe, disconnected, like something is off, even ‘dirty’, and by experiencing them alongside the physical dopamine rush that comes with the act of sex, we may eventually create an addiction to those feelings too; to this disconnected sexual paradigm, and to the seeking of behavior that causes those problematic feelings.

But, when we engage in the full spectrum with our sexual partners, there’s a beautiful unfolding that we share, and there is no limit to the variety, kinds and types of sex that we can have together.

It’s not about morals. It’s all about learning the access point to the full spectrum, the place in which our full being is engaged, including our most animalistic instincts. And once you’re there, the bliss instinct is a free instinct; you can do whatever you want to do together and still be in a place of sustainable bliss.

What About The Orgasm?

Traditionally, philosophies like tantra, which explore the spectrum of connection, don’t focus on orgasm. Some philosophies even discourage it, believing it to detract from the experience of connection. However, in the oxytocin way, I don’t feel there are any hard and fast rules, and there are certainly no drawbacks in experiencing orgasm together as part of your full spectrum connection.

When you make an oxytocin connection, and you both stay within it, you will find the quality of your orgasms changes. Men can start to experience internal orgasms, or electrical orgasms, where it feels just as good as having the physical orgasm but the exchange and the release is electrical in nature, and less centered on the root chakra. The energy center that responsible for that electrical energy in the body is the thymus gland center, located in the heart/lung region. So the result can be that you have an incredibly penetrating heart connection with a person, with both partners engaging in this electrical orgasm, making you feel even more connected and even more orgasmic.

Are You Up for a Challenge?

If you already have a partner and want to being experiencing full spectrum sex, take your time, talk about it in advance, prepare yourself and each other.

walking-longevity-key

To full activate oxytocin, the challenge is not just to develop that full spectrum connection but also to remain on the threshold of orgasm. Sex is not a race to orgasm. Allow that sensation to grow and develop, ebb and flow, instead of going over and releasing it. And this applies both for men and women.

Women also benefit from staying on that threshold, so that the blissful orgasmic vibration is sensationally followed and not broken. You’ll know what I mean when you’re practicing it, and most likely you already feel this on a soul level, as our divine legacy is very closely related to our sexual life and sexual paradigms.

If you are not in a relationship, you can still take up this challenge, because the first point of oxytocin connection is with yourself. Everything I have learned about this started by allowing this divine energy to enter my body and activate the bliss hormone, oxytocin, and embodying this angelic connection within myself — until I came to a place where I was blessed with a partner with whom I could sustainably go there. At its deepest level, sexual union is a spiraling together of energy, much like strands of DNA spiral together. But the first step is to first be in sexual union with you. Mastery starts with yourself.

The benefit is that everyday you’ll feel good and send a message to your subconscious mind that you love yourself, care about yourself and you to do something good for yourself. If we know how to actively cultivate a sense of wellness and love that is hardwired within our bodies, we’ll inevitably begin to thrive. We make choices that are from a place of security and happiness, and safety, and we gravitate towards the things – and people – that make us feel more love, make us feel more beautiful, more healthy, more satisfied, more abundant — more bliss.

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

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Erotic Intimacy and Tantra

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Whether single or in a relationship, absence sure does make the heart grow fonder, but so does Tantra when explored with patience and persistence.

Here’s a short list of three small tantric changes I made that took intimacy to a whole new level—the impact is immediate.

1. Open your eyes and watch.

Often times we lay back and shut our eyes and lean into the experience through one sensory experience, the feeling sensation. I learned that this small technique makes a world of difference in the turn-on department. Try to use more senses during the process starting with visual observation.

Watching yourself while you pleasure or your partner getting into you, your body and the eroticism that builds between the sheets while you gaze at the action is nothing short of electrifying.

I’ve had conversations with my friends before about looking into their lover’s eyes while they kissed. I was always curious about the eyes being the window to the soul as partners stroked their way through sex, but most reported closing their eyes to enjoy the feeling. Even in some conversations with my male friends, I’ve learned they shut their eyes to imagine something else!

That’s a sure sign of an unhealthy sex life.

While I understand this philosophy of eye-closed feeling experience it can be enlightening to open the eyes and take in your lover while in the act. The subtle cues, finger tips on skin and lips parting can take sexuality to new heights when becoming an observer.

When you both feel brave enough, have your partner look back at you.

tantric sex 1
2. Ask

What we feel may be perfect for our partner in terms of giving, like touching or stroking a certain way, a familiar position and the amount of foreplay could be way off the mark without specific direction. Sometimes a lover may not be in the right mood for a candle light massage. They might need more communication first before getting to the physical plane.

Drop the need to direct the course of the lovemaking and ask what they need.

It sounds simple, but often times we feel we know what’s best for our partner without giving them a choice. Openness and solid listening skills can revivify and nourish without any overt action because it’s a simple way of showing care, love, respect and trust within the sexual relationship.

Once your partner shares their needs, get intentional about providing it. Use all your senses and imagination to deliver.

3. Spend time on the periphery

Even though it is tempting to get right into the action and stimulate the main attraction, don’t dive straight into the sweet spot.

Work around the edges of erogenous zones with plenty of time and care. Take the time to build momentum slowly like a gentle wave cresting. Notice you or your partner’s state and respond by focusing on heightened the feeling of pleasure without thinking of a goal you need to achieve immediately, like orgasm. Spending time on the periphery means working from outside the erogenous zone inward to the most sensitive pleasure spots.

Be present in what you are doing and focus on each little detail.

Carrellas and Muir both talk about being present and focused. Pay attention to how often your mind drifts during sex. Where do your thoughts run? Be mindful and bring your attention back to yourself and your partner. Learn how to build the state of expansive pleasure by becoming an expert with each stroke, kiss and word you express.

Often times we rely on past experiences, even from our first teenage explorations, and let these experiences drive our sexual experiences by what has worked. Tantra is a way to evolve sexual practice into deeper intimacy and ultimately more confidence as a partner and lover. It is a philosophy that encompasses a new way of looking at the world through eroticism and connecting a vibrant healthy sex life to more vitality, joy and pleasure in life.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article
Featured Image: elephantjournal.com

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Couples Advice: How to Avoid the Worst Fights

by zfortadminin Mind

5. The Fight About Control

“I find that one of the biggest fights is caused because one partner is a very controlling person,” says relationship coach Melinda Carver. “The partner wants to control everything, from when to set the alarm clock [and ] where to go to dinner [to] how many times to have sex.” First off, quick editorial aside: Alarm bells! If you’re with someone who wants to control everything down to the last minute detail, head for the hills. And if — gasp — you’re the controlling one, check yourself before you wreck yourself. “The controlling partner badgers and harasses the other partner into the behavior or activity that they want,” she says. “When the other partner decides to call out the controlling partner, then the fight may go on for days.”

Think of such a thing as relationship poison. “The manipulative, controlling partner will just bully the other partner relentlessly, until both are exhausted,” Carver says. “That is when the other partner has to decide if they want to remain in this relationship — or leave.”

How To Avoid It:

Controlling girlfriends and wives, take note: “For the manipulative, controlling partner, the only way to begin moving out of this behavior pattern is to … stop it as often as possible,” Carver says. For starters, “I recommend that they allow the other partner to choose the activities and menus for their day off,” she says.

And a little visualization goes a long way. “I also ask the controlling partner to really decide if they want this partner in their life,” she says. “They usually say yes. I then ask them to imagine their partner leaving them due to their controlling behavior.” This type of conceptualization can put autocratic tendencies into perspective. “Providing them goals to work toward in behavior adjustment, as well as [reminding them of] their own need to keep the relationship, gently pushes them to modify and stop their controlling tendencies,” says Carver.

6. The Fight About Household Chores

File this under the same category as fights about control: “It sounds like a minor squabble, but in working with hundreds of couples, we found one of the most frustrating fights couples have is [about] how to load the dishwasher,” say couples therapists Jon and Beverly Meyerson, creators of the adorably-titled relationship website Power Snuggles. (Their tagline? “Turning power struggles into power snuggles.” Does it get any cuter than that?!) “There’s a reason for this,” say the married couple. “Most couples’ fights concern one partner wanting to control the other.”

Derivative of control-based fights, “the analytical … partner believes they know the perfect way to get clean dishes,” the Meyersons say. “The over-burdened loader … believes there is not enough time to spend loading the dishwasher” to achieve what their partner might term the “right” way. “This continuing scenario, with two people attacking the other’s methods, can lead to hurt feelings and a lot of resentment,” they say.

How To Avoid It:

Four simple words: Live and let live. Don’t try to control your partner, the Meyersons say: “Once couples can find a solution to this issue, other disputes are more easily handled, because all disputes concern who has control over a situation.”

7. The Fight That Has Nothing To Do With The Situation At Hand

Ah, this old classic. This oldie but goodie (oldie but baddie?) is a exceedingly common phenomenon for couples, especially those who have been together for long enough that underlying issues build up and fester. “What I hear most as the type of fight couples regret is the one where they go too far in saying all the built-up thoughts they’ve had,” says licensed clinical social worker Janet Zinn. This is a case of stale resentments coming out sideways. “Perhaps they both feel their partner doesn’t listen, but they end up saying how bad sex is, with specifics,” Zinn says. Well, yes: That would be an ugly fight.

How To Avoid It:

“Learn to listen to each other,” Zinn suggests. There are even exercises to help you do this. “One is for one person to state a problem, and when they are done, the other must repeat what he or she heard.” Like a game of telephone, the pair may find that there’s a disconnect between what one person says and what they other hears. “This gets repeated again and again, until they find ways to be understood by the other,” she says.

For example:

“The wife may say, ‘I hate when you don’t put the cap back on the toothpaste.’ Then [the husband] may say, ‘So you think I’m a slob.’ She repeats, but differently, ‘Could you please put the cap back on the toothpaste in the morning? It’s nice when things are complete and I can move on with my day.’ He may say, ‘You’re kidding me, that could ruin your day?’ ‘No, not at all,’ she says, ‘I just like it when you put the cap back on.’ ‘OK, I’ll put the cap on.’ Done. Then he speaks of an issue he has, and they go on until she can hear him.”

This leads to a couple seeing “how differently they understand things,” says Zinn. If I may add one last thought: If the problem you need to state to your partner is that it drives you crazy that he never puts the cap back on the toothpaste, you may be dealing with deeper issues. One of my favorite relationship questions: How important is it? This one question is enough to avoid entire unnecessary arguments. Choose your battles, y’all, and don’t fight when you’re tired or hungry.

Curated by Erbe

Original Article

 

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Why Men Fear Intimacy

by zfortadminin Mind

OCD, Paranoid Features or Depressed Features

Some men are afraid of relationships because they have an overall approach that makes relationships extremely anxiety-provoking. Men who have OCD or OCD features are often afraid of relationships because of the uncertainty and lack of control that come with relationships. People with OCD have a very high need structure and need to feel that their environment is extremely controlled and predictable. The thought of dealing with messy emotions and having to share an emotional life, as well as a physical space, is often too much to bear.

Men who have a paranoid personality type are often afraid of relationships, as well. Paranoid men are hypervigilant about their environment and screening everyone who comes into their space. They are extremely aware of hierarchies of power and carry the ongoing fear that someone is going to trap them somehow and take advantage of them. For these reasons, reliance and dependence on another person are incredibly far-out notions for the paranoid man.

Suffering from depression or having depressive symptoms has everything to do with relationship status. For single depressed men, they suffer from low motivation and often feel badly about themselves. The idea of a relationship sounds extremely complicated to these men and, in addition, sounds like too much work for someone who is truly dealing with ongoing depressed feelings. Keep in mind that many men don’t talk openly about feeling depressed, so you may not even know the real reason why a given man is afraid of relationships – you just know something is off.

Secret Addictions

If you’re not a therapist (or a follower of any number of off-the-wall, extreme docu-reality shows), you would probably be more than a little surprised to understand how many addictions people suffer from. Some addictions are more obvious, while others are easier to hide. Part of what comes with the addictive process is extreme guardedness: The addict becomes hypervigilant about who they get close to and they avoid anyone who is going to hold them accountable. Think about it: Having a partner is going to cause an addict – someone in the throes of denial – to feel incredibly anxious, and the addict would find a way in such a situation to escape.

Now that you know about some of the reasons why men fear relationships, consider for a moment the paradox that many men who have a secret fear of relationships are often in relationships! In the relationships, these men often have a hard time maintaining closeness with their partner for any significant length of time: He either never lets them fully in, always keeping them at a distance or cheats, abuses, or witholds sex or affection from time to time. Other men who are afraid of relationships never even try to settle down: They’re the bachelors at 40, never having married; the charming uncle who never brings the same woman to gatherings more than once; or the man who says he wants something long-term but distracts himself with types who are completely in appropriate, so the relationship never has any real chance of going anywhere.

If you have become involved with a man you believe has a fear of relationships, talk to him about it. Tell him what you believe and what you see, and do it in a casual, nonjudgmental manner. If you really want to make a romantic relationship with him work well, offer to go to couples therapy to help him – and you, too! – flesh out these issues. There is hope for men who are afraid of relationships, but they must be disciplined about trying to change and honest with themselves about how dysfunctional their romantic life has been as a result of their relationship fears.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Crying Couples—Did they pass the LOVE TEST?

by zfortadminin Mind

How would you and your partner fare at this test?

Get your tissues ready, people.

What if you could love yourself as much as your significant other loved you?

Tatia Pilieva sought to answer that question with “Love Test,” in which she talks to couples about their relationships — and each woman’s insecurities.

For “Love Test,” Pilieva filmed the couples in two different sessions: In the first, the couples are on screen together, describing their love stories. After that, Pilieva prompts them to indulge in treating themselves to a ritual created by Dr. Timothy de Waal Malefyt, a clinical associate professor at Fordham University​. In the second session, the women are on screen alone, describing how the ritual helped them and their relationships.

The short film helps illuminate Revlon’s findings, in a recent study conducted by Dr. de Waal Malefyt, ​that ​97 percent of women reported a significant change in themselves within the first week of adopting the aforementioned beauty ritual.

​​”I wanted to create a film that celebrates women. All women,” Pilieva said. “I wanted to show that our love runs deeper than our doubts or insecurities.”

Did they pass the LOVE TEST?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

More Into P*rn than You–What Do You Do?

by zfortadminin Mind

Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on the CW’s Bill Cunningham Show and all over the web through her hit web series AbiolaTV. Now she wants to help you keep things spicy and fresh between the sheets. Are you in need of an intimacy intervention? Just ask Abiola!

Dear Abiola,

Is it normal for my husband to be more into porn than into me?

I got married 4 years ago. From the beginning I have had a feeling that my husband is not emotionally attached to me. Now we talk very little. He is always busy internet surfing or playing games. I feel so lonely.

He is not interested in sex any more. It has been 2 months since we had sex. I have caught him masturbating so many times while watching porn. But whenever I try to join in or do sexy stuff with him, he refuses or remains quiet.

This all hurt too much. I love him and want to be with him. All I want is to be loved and to have his time. I tried to talk to him but he refuses or says it’s not a problem or gets angry.

I feel like porn has come between my relationship and I am blaming myself. Pornography is evil. What should I do to be loved by him!

Signed,

Broken Woman

Dearest Sacred Bombshell,

First of all, you are not broken. You are a whole and complete woman no matter what is happening to you in your relationship, bedroom, or life.

You have nothing to blame yourself for. A man — or woman — cannot be driven to porn by anything his or her partner does. Read that sentence again. Your husband is an adult. He is the only one responsible for his choices. Your husband should absolutely not be choosing porn over you. That is beyond problematic.

Your question, “What can I do to be loved by him?” is also extremely troubling. That set off all of my alarms; not only as Life Coach but also as a woman. There is no right thing that you can do to be loved by the wrong person. Someone either loves and accepts who you are or they don’t.

You say that your husband has not been emotionally into you. Is it possible that your husband may be depressed and not have the emotional ability to express his sadness? Did something transformative happen personally or professionally around the time that his behavior changed?

If someone wants to numb and avoid their real lives, they can become addicted to anything. Porn is your husband’s drug of choice. It is not the adult films that are evil. The issue is that you are sad and lonely in a non-communicative marriage with no emotional or sexual intimacy. If your husband is addicted to pornography, you cannot have a healthy relationship. You can’t have a healthy relationship with an addict.

Ask your husband to join you in therapy ASAP. Show him this post. Tell him that this is a 911 situation. Let him know that you have been feeling sad and lonely in your relationship. Meanwhile, you may both find support in a 12-step group. Please note that this is not intended to treat or diagnose any illness or condition. Your husband needs to take responsibility for his own well-being.

Be Broken Ministries is a group for men struggling with porn addiction. FightTheNewDrug.org is an online recovery program and Sexaholics Anonymous at SA.org can be a great place for you both to find support.

I called you a Sacred Bombshell because I have reclaimed the word “bombshell” to mean a woman who loves, honors, and cherishes herself in mind, body, and spirit. This is what I want for you. You deserve to feel love and connection in your relationship. You deserve your man’s love and his time. Whether your husband acknowledges the issues or chooses remains in denial, I urge you to get support for yourself immediately.

Passionately yours,

Abiola

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Why Sexuality is the Hot Topic in Holistic & Alternative Medicine

by Anita Teresa Boeningerin Mind, Sex

What is the only thing left out of the holistic paradigm?

It’s called S-E-X.

Holistic health professionals will talk about everything from gut health & nutrition, exercise, acupuncture, and neti pots…but they tip toe around sex. Why is that? It is still a taboo topic. It’s an area of life that brings up discomfort and uncertainty for the majority of people in our society. Another reason is the lack of training and education. It is simply left out of professional trainings—even those who deal directly with the human reproductive system, such as gynecologists and urologists—don’t receive adequate training on sexuality. The average reproductive system specialist spends 7-8 years getting medical training, and out of those years, spends roughly 3 hours learning about sexuality! This is analogous to the training most allopathic medicine doctors get in nutrition—about 3 hours. See a parallel here?

Fortunately, the landscape is changing. The future of integrative medicine includes sexuality. How do I know this? Holistic health guru Dr. Andrew Weil is editing a series of books on Integrative Medicine, and one of those books is on Integrative Sexuality. This is the next hot topic! For those holistic health practitioners who want to stay relevant, they must start paying attention to the salient topic of sex. And for those of us who are passionate about health & wellness, it’s time to evolve the context for sex beyond just the bedroom and into the domain of health at large. After all, sexuality is the root of all our biological systems. It’s how we got here, for goodness sake!

That’s why I gathered the best in the industry to talk about this charged subject during the Sex & Medicine Summit, so we could start creating a new narrative for this important topic. What I learned from doing that series of interviews was just how vast this topic is, how it touches every area of life, and how much this conversation is needed in medical schools, board rooms, grand rounds, and health coaching trainings (well… pretty much every helping profession training). The time to start this conversation is now. Why wait until someone else initiates it?

So many questions linger in the back of people’s minds, and they wonder if they’re crazy, if they’re the only ones who struggle with issues like erectile dysfunction, strange-smelling vaginal discharge, HPV, lack of desire, body image issues (including concern about the shape and size of genitals), sexual “aberrations,” extreme hormonal swings, and much more. Once we reach a critical mass of willingness to show up and talk about our sexuality in a safe and open way, the taboo will start dropping away. The shame will dissolve. The alienation and passivity will shift into vibrancy, a pleasure-positive lifestyle, and freedom of expression. And all this leads to greater health and well-being. Healthy sexuality, to me, is the foundation of true health. Even if you are physically fit, eat well, sleep 8 hours a night, but don’t aren’t having regular, nourishing sex, (either with self or another) then you are cut off from your essential expression—you are cut off from the very source of life.

My vision for the future of integrative health is that naturopaths, health coaches, and other healing arts professionals will include sexual healing modalities in their prescriptive process. They will refer their patients and clients to the appropriate sexual health professionals in their network. They will address sexuality openly and respectfully with their clients, so that they feel safe and empowered to take charge of this delicate and incredibly powerful aspect of their life. I envision more leaders in the health field initiating discussions on the topic of sex and medicine, instead of leaving this area of life to the purview of the porn and entertainment industry, where it has languished long enough. Taking charge of your health & your health must include sexual mastery on ever-increasing levels. And it can be a most pleasurable journey!

Transforming Anger into Trust, Love and Turn-on

by John Winelandin Mind, RELATIONSHIPS

I work with a number of men who struggle with their woman’s anger. I am certainly not immune :-). My girl can be downright nasty when she feels I am “misbehaving” and I have found over the years, the need to develop a special set of skills and a whole new attitude to her anger. The primary problem is that men tend to want to avoid anger and resentment like the plague. So when our partners are in a mood, the general response is either attack or avoid. Neither create much love or trust. Sound familiar?

There is another way…well….two ways I have found that work beautifully and can actually create intimacy and relaxation where there was rancor only moments ago. The most artful approach is to use humor, physicality, play and sexual energy to overcome her mood. That might look like kissing her madly until she giggles, to saying “God damn you are hot when you are furious at me” to throwing her over your shoulder and saying, I love it when you are so bratty. The concept is to lean in to her anger with love, like you are encountering a tropical rainstorm. Breath it in. Enjoy it! Allow it to nourish you.

The second method involves a beautiful dialogue techniques that requires more skills and patience. The most important element in this work is the commitment that you will not make her wrong for whatever she is feeling. Her feelings, all of them, are welcome and even appreciated. This is a massive difference to what most women experience in the world and it opens a whole new realm of deep relating possibilities, including better sex, when it is embraced. Let’s face it. Your lover is suffering when she is angry most of the time and creating a container where anything she feels is safe is incredibly liberating and healing for her.

3 STEPS TO TRANSFORMING A WOMAN’S ANGER INTO DEEP TRUST AND LOVE!

Again, most men have the knee jerk reaction of resisting anger and will go to great lengths to do so. But if you go with the flow you can actually, instantly turn your interaction into a playful, passionate moment where you maintain your masculinity while she can own her emotions and really trust she can’t do anything you can’t handle. I dive into this practice Transforming Anger into Deep Trust and Love explaining this entire concept. Here are the three basic steps:

1. Get aware (this requires a certain level of courage, generosity, meditative concentration…. And frankly, just the ability to feel into your partner) when something is brewing under the surface, and instead of avoiding it, let it happen.

2. Then allow your partner free rein to say what they need to say. Periodically you are going to stop them and repeat back, word for word, what you are hearing as much as possible. And then when she is done and you say, “Is there any more?” she’ll say, “No.” And the very first thing you want to say is, “That makes sense. I understand why that would bother you. I understand why you would be mad. It makes sense that you are mad.” The words: That makes sense, are key to whole process… those three words validate her entire experience and make her feel seen, accepted and loved!

3. And finally, the third piece (which is the hardest piece for a lot of men, a lot of people in general in fact) is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and empathize with what she is feeling. I know, this is especially hard if they are mad at you! It’s important to know you do not have to agree with her, all you have to do is be able to see how it makes sense from her perspective given her history and shared experience. As you learn to really try your best to put yourself in your partner’s shoes you will actually start to feel like their experience is more important than yours. It’s a really deep and beautiful spiritual practice when you can say, “All right, how you are feeling about this is more important to me now than whether I agree with it or not.”

Gratitude: Can It Save Your Relationship?

by zfortadminin Mind

As the days passed and the exercise got a little more difficult, I noticed myself changing. I started to live every day actively looking for things to be grateful for. Usually this was because I wanted to come up with three things and just be done with it, like getting in an early morning workout. I thought it would only continue to get harder but a funny thing happened after a few weeks…it actually got easier. And soon, I was finding way more than just three new things to be grateful for each day. I kept going with this for months and can affirm that it is absolutely life- changing. I felt so calm and so at ease and just happier all around.

If you are having trouble in your relationship, I highly suggest you think of two or three things every day that you love and appreciate about your partner. You don’t even need to tell him you’re doing this or what the things are. Just think about it every day and write it down. And like I did in my exercise, think of new things every day. It can be things he did for you or things about him. Focus on everything he does right and see how that impacts your relationship. (Mark my words, you’ll start seeing major changes within about a week or two.)

Even if you aren’t having major issues in your relationship, anytime your partner does something that annoys or frustrates you, just think about a few reasons why you care about him and why you’re grateful to have him in your life.

I just want to add that this does not apply to relationships where there is physical or emotional abuse. I’m talking about healthy, functioning relationships that just get rocky from time to time…as most relationships do.

If you’re single, think about what you love about your life right now. Think about what you’re appreciative for and good things that have happened throughout the day. I think writing it out is best because it makes it more real, but if that feels like too much of a commitment then just spend time every day reflecting on it.

Practicing gratitude on a daily basis can literally re-wire you. It can transform the way you think which will change the way you feel and the vibe you transmit. People can naturally pick up on the vibes someone is sending out. When you feel bitter or angry or jaded on the inside, it will come across on the outside no matter how you try to hide it. There is no faking being in a good place.  You have to work on it, and if you do, suddenly everything will change and you’ll notice enormous improvements in all areas of your life.

What are some of your best gratitude tips? Tell us in comments!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

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Are You Paying Attention to Your Sexual Soul?

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex, Wellness

Ignoring this vital source of life has caused a lot of pain and distress for many people. Making peace with it, though, can open you up to deep wells of pleasure.

The human desire for connection runs deep, like a river that winds through an individual’s heart. If this river-like phenomenon can be compared to human sexuality, then it can run through different rhythmic patterns.

Some spots will be filled with passionate torrents; others will be serene and calm. Maneuvering along this river in a boat named “LIFE” is truly one of the human being’s greatest adventures. From a soul perspective, sexuality is a merging of both masculine and feminine energies into one. We all have these special gifts that lie within us.

Yet there can be so much confusion and angst within a person who is lacking this spiritual, sexual intimacy. An artist has found a way to bring these elements to life through their work. When the creative’s connection to intimacy gets stifled, then there is no energy left for creation. What causes this lack of creativity? It might be that the sexual soul has suffered an interruption in its internal program of love and light.

A picture, it is said, is worth a thousand words. One famous picture of art deftly displays the power of mixing masculine and feminine energy, awakening the sexual soul to life. In the artwork, both man and woman are represented as streams of energy merging together. The male’s energy enters the woman, and flows through her body to the crown of her head. The woman’s energy flows out from the crown of her head into the crown of the man’s head, thereby resulting in a never-ending circular stream of energy between both people.

The sexual soul’s purpose is to keep us alive and vibrant. Honestly, though, the struggle to make peace with this sacred part of our humanity gets short shrift. There are men and women who have suffered deep scars and wounds from sexual abuse and degradation in their formative years. Responsible adults took advantage of them, making these precious young souls their sexual playmates. I use the term “playmate” carefully because the harm that comes from this abusive way of life sends the sexual soul reeling for its own true path. People can get caught up in abusing their sexuality through daily use of prostitutes, pornography or even cutting themselves from the shame, guilt and fear that haunt them.

It is clear to me that some people find using prostitutes and pornography in their sexual lives as no big deal. So be it. Moralists definitely have trouble reconciling anything like this concept within them. Sometimes, it is the moralist who finds themselves engaged in these activities under the shadows of the night.

What does healing from this behavior look like? Certainly, there must be a better way than to cut off all sexuality from a person’s life. Look friends, while monks and nuns take vows of celibacy for their religious orders, it is hard to believe they don’t have sexual energy within them. They are living, breathing human beings. Therefore, they must have this vital source of life flowing through them, too. Of course, you can definitely make the case that this is not so and say that I’m reaching for some nebulous idea that makes no sense. That’s fine. Just remember, though, that the same energy that flows through you flows through me. It can be at different levels because of lifestyle, environment, false beliefs, true beliefs, etc. But I cannot deny the fact that I have a sexual soul. You do, too.

Writing about this subject matter for me is quite challenging. I have to dig deep within my own sexual soul to come up with words. There is nothing wrong with the fact that I have a desire for a healthy, loving, intimate, sexual relationship with a woman. Yes, I know there are men and women who will read this and are my LGBT brothers and sisters. I’d want the same thing for you, too. One theory bandied about among people looking for a more intimate path involves developing this type of connection through acts of service. From being involved with causes that matter to you personally or giving time to charitable organizations and groups, among many other types of service, it gets a man or woman out of their own inner struggle (if there is one) and allows a soul to mend. This can bring a lot of fulfillment and gratitude to an individual while he or she seeks nurture and security.

The sexual soul, again, is a vital part of life. It is the life force that helps bring human beings to life. Doesn’t it make a little sense to take time and really grasp what may cause you from enjoying this aspect of life? It would take another column for me to explain all the ups, downs and circles involving my own sexual soul over my lifetime. There have been relatively few healthy sexual experiences. I’ve delved into, for me, some of the darkest areas around sex that no person should be left to explore by themselves. The atypical “dark-room-and-socks” experience has typified my sexuality for far too long.

Thankfully, I’ve been able to move from this place into a spot where I can deeply appreciate my own sexual energy. I don’t waste it on experiences that deplete this source of love and intimacy. My sexual soul is active and vibrant, despite not having a girlfriend in my life right now. Opening myself up to new ways of intimacy is not easy. It’s scary and frightening, yet I’d rather take this path now than continuing on an internal mission of soulful destruction.

As much as my own sexual soul deserves attention, so does yours. I am definitely not the final answer when it comes to human sexuality, and for that you can be grateful. However it looks and whatever form or destination awaits you, I highly recommend giving your own sexual soul the love, attention, nurturing and grace that it so deserves. You will be a better person for doing so, and the world will bow at your feet.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Eastern VS. Western Sex

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Sex beyond with Tantra

Tantra is one of the oldest known arts of sacred sexuality practiced today. Although Tantra has long been practiced in many eastern cultures, it’s just beginning to flourish in the United States. Born in India more than 6,000 years ago, Tantra emerged as a rebellion against organized religion, which held that sexuality should be rejected in order to reach enlightenment. Tantra challenged the acetic beliefs of that time, purporting that sexuality was a doorway to the divine, and that earthly pleasures, such as eating, dancing and creative expression were sacred acts.

The essence of Tantra lies in the ability to transform sexual energy into a spiritual journey into nirvana, bridging the gap between spirituality and sexuality thus awakening to full enlightenment and awareness. Tantra is a “practical” spiritual path and is practiced in sacredness. Since Tantra is practiced as a spiritual ritual, as with all forms of spiritual worship, there is an acknowledging and honoring of a divine presence or being. In the case of Tantra, this is reflected by acknowledging and honoring the divine presence of God in your partner and each other throughout the realm of the senses.

From the beginning, Tantric teachings passed from one generation to the next in the unwritten form of the rituals themselves, then later through writings known simply as “Tantras.” The Tantras were written in Sanskrit (ancient Hindu) and are composed of dialogues between the Hindu god Shiva and the Hindu goddess Shakti. Tantra means to expand, join or weave Yin (female) and Yang (male) energy between lovers. This joining of the polarities of male (represented by the Hindu god, Shiva), and female (embodied by the Hindu goddess, Shakti), incorporates them into a harmonious unit of one in which they reach the essence of their core identity through a variety of rituals in the mental, emotional, spiritual and sexual dimensions of wellness.

The weaving of the Tantric energy is based on the balance of the Chakras (energy wheels). According to Tantric beliefs, there are seven chakras which align the center of the body. When in proper balance, the chakras allow us to understand the relationship between our highest consciousness and physical being. Tantra focuses specifically on using the chakras to direct Kundalini (sexual) energy between Yin & Yang within the six essential elements of Tantra: Breath, Movement, Muscle Lock, Sound, Intention and Attention. When a deep interconnection is established throughout all of the six essential elements, the perceived space between yin and yang becomes filled with the light of Spirit. This spiritual presence activates energy between the two, joining them as one.

Tantric sex versus westernized sex

Tantra is different from western ideas about sex. In the West, we sometimes view sex as a source of recreation rather than a means of transformation. The goal may be to reach orgasm rather than to please our lover or connect with him or her more fully. Another key distinction between westernized views of sex and tantric sex is that the western sexual script has a clear beginning (sexual excitement), middle (penetration), and end (orgasm). Sex is seen as goal oriented, with orgasm being the end result and any adaptation from this script seen as wrong.

Tantric sex is not result or goal oriented, but rather, timeless and unstructured. In Tantric sex the point of sex is not orgasm, rather to experience the sensations and pleasures associated with intimate connection with a partner. There is no clear cut beginning, middle, or end. Most of the exercises related to Tantric sex involve slowing things down, trying not to focus on our external body, or orgasm, or anything outside of our experience in the moment. Without a focus on orgasm, sex becomes more about exchanging pleasures, awakening the senses and allowing couples to communicate on deep physical and emotional levels. During this time, lovers are able to establish an intimate connection that can be maintained and heightened as they transition into the sexual dimension.

Another major difference between the westernized way of sex and Tantric sex is the emphasis of breathing and slowing down sexual behavior compared to the hectic, orgasm-focused westernized approach. In the art of Tantra there are a variety of individual and partnered activities that are designed to focus on breathing and meditation. The activities and exercises help to bring attention, focus and intention into the moment, which allows for greater pleasure and sensation during the experience. In addition, breathing directs energy, frees emotions, and increases stamina and orgasmic intensity, as oxygen is dispersed throughout the muscles and bloodstream.

Tantra can be a very breathtaking journey — literally and figuratively — especially when practiced with a partner who is open to transcending into a spiritual journey while experiencing sexual ecstasy. The benefits of Tantric sex are endless, including the ability to delay orgasm, heal past emotional wounds, deepen connection with a partner, rejuvenate your health, and experience ecstatic sexual states. Practicing Tantra will increase intimacy, energy of attraction, communication, and spirituality, ultimately enhancing the richness of the relationship. Through its rituals, Tantra teaches ways to carry this intense focus of concentration into all areas of life. The rituals make it possible to enjoy not only sex but increase happiness in all other dimensions in our lives.

Tantric sex extends far beyond the bedroom by helping partners open fully to each other in trust and love through all facets of their relationship, creating a space for spiritual growth and personal awareness. As you learn to open to yourself to the path of love, you naturally open up to others around you. You begin to understand that surrender does not mean submission or loss of self, but rather a loving expansion to something that is much greater than you are. The practice of Tantra shows us how to reclaim the sexual intimacy that is our inherent birthright. Through this most ancient art, we discover new joys of the erotic pleasure and expand our moments of sexual ecstasy into a lifetime of happiness and bliss. The real essence of Tantra cannot be captured in oral or in written words. To truly understand Tantra, you have to experience it!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Using PMS to Create More Intimacy for You

by Gina Cloudin Mind

So make time to talk, REALLY HONESTLY.  This is a time for you men to really just listen.  I know you’re solution oriented, but sometimes we just need to vent.  For most men, to just vent without figuring out HOW to fix it makes little sense, but for us women, getting it off our chest is often part of the solution.

And ladies, don’t make him wrong!  When you do that to a man, he shuts down.  Take responsibility for your choices and speak honestly and clearly about what’s bothering you.  Use the pronoun “I’ in the conversations much more than “you” when you start your sentences.  Then ask for what you need from your partner.  You’ll be amazed at how much closer you will feel after doing this.  And just keep working at it.  You’ll have a chance every month to perfect your skill set.  And remember to keep the love flowing. Then PMS can be Powerful Monthly (in)Sight!

If these ideas have made you curious about how reframing your cycle and PMS can change the quality of your life and you want to learn more,  I’ve created an audio product that will help you connect more deeply, honestly and authentically with your cycle and teach you how to navigate your PMS as Powerful Monthly Sight.  And men, listening to it will help you to understand the women in your life better and improve the quality of your relationships with them; whether they are lovers, wives, sisters, friends.   It’s called Your Menstrual Cycle as Teacher, Mentor, GPS.  You can check it out HERE.  There’s truly nothing else like it out there in the world on this topic. :)

If you’re new to my work and want to learn more, please join my mailing list.  There’s a box here on the page, top right, or on my website.  There are lots of free downloads as my thank you to you for your e-mail.

Please share this post with all the women in your life, and the men, too.  We discuss so many things in life with ease and openness.  I think it’s time we d0 the same with our menstrual cycle.  It’s one of the many gifts of woman.  Don’t believe me?  Check out the tutorial!

Much Love,

Gina Cloud

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The Worst Relationship Betrayal… Not What You Think

by zfortadminin Mind

3 patterns that form a slow, steady drip of betrayal that might signal the end more surely than another lover.

Pretty much everyone who is in a committed relationship agrees that if they found out their partner had sex, even once, with someone else it would be a challenge to move past it and stay together. That’s the big one-event shake up that most people assume is the beginning of the end if not the mile marker for the end itself.

Everyone needs to withdraw and unplug but don’t retreat in order to get even. Hurting someone emotionally always leaves a mark.

While both of us would be nonplussed if the other had an affair or one-night-stand, there are three patterns that we’ve even fallen prey to that we know could be (almost) silent killers for us and probably any other couple.

Withholding Attention

You’ve heard about “ghosting” right? Pretty extreme and most people wouldn’t dream of doing it to the love of their life, and most of us would notice pretty quickly if we were being ghosted.

But there are so many ways of withholding attention that aren’t even intentional. Preoccupation – you know, like with your phone, or the television (we don’t have one of those, but the internet is a close runner up.) Or maybe just preoccupation with your own thoughts – we’re both prone to getting lost in our heads, in the clouds, or in time. Or shutting down – crawling into the shell of self to process, to stew, to ponder, or just to hang out and relax.

Even if it’s not intended to hurt, when you withhold your attention from your partner, your lover, that person who is in your life because they get off on being with you, you’re committing a “micro-aggression” toward that thing that keeps you together.

And if you are withholding attention as a way to prove a point, or strike back, stop that right now. Everyone needs to withdraw and unplug but don’t retreat in order to get even. Hurting someone emotionally always leaves a mark.

Withholding Trust

Everyone brings past relationships into the current dynamic. Whether those relationships were with spouses, lovers, friends, siblings, parents, authority figures, or the Grinch next door, they create patterns of trust, and lack of it.

Deciding to withhold trust is one of the deepest betrayals you can inflict on a partner.

None of those patterns are about your partner, but they certainly affect your partner. We’ve navigated land mines and dungeons of trigger wires and green-eyed monsters until we can guess when something is a “this is about me not you” kind of thing, but when either of us senses a lack of trust it can still range all the way from a minor road bump to a steep hill.

But if you’re withholding your trust for a reason, justified or not, a shifting of boundaries or treating a partner with suspicion is always going to result in tension. Deciding to withhold trust is one of the deepest betrayals you can inflict on a partner. It puts up a wall, and reflects their worst traits back at them. No relationship, however loving, can survive that for very long.

Withholding Intimacy

Intimacy isn’t going through the motions. And it isn’t (always) a romantic performance or expectation. Intimacy is meeting on the same, shared plane of experience. On purpose.

Physical intimacy is important to a romantic partnership. Actually, for us anyway, it’s vital. It’s not just about sex, that’s only one of many ways we physically demonstrate our love for each other. But there is nothing wrong with saying that sexual intimacy is a cornerstone of our physical intimacy.  But emotional intimacy is even more important. Without that the physical or sexual intimacy is just “off.” We’re not really in it together if there is an emotional barrier between us.

… if either of us ever withheld intimacy … or if we ever displaced that intimacy usually reserved for each other onto another person, it’s likely that we would cause wounds that would take a long time to heal …

It’s perfectly natural that there are times one or both of us will just need to be left alone. For one thing, we’re both introverts (highly social, but definitely introverts.) For another thing, we’re human. So it’s going to happen.

But if either of us ever withheld intimacy — of any kind — not from our own need for personal time and space, but as a tactic or punishment, or if we ever displaced that intimacy usually reserved for each other onto another person, it’s likely that we would cause wounds that would take a long time to heal – if they ever did. We both have intimate friends, but those friends never come first for either us. First is always reserved just for each other.

◊♦◊

None of these patterns are the instant end game that a sexual fling might be, but they are all slow, steady drips of betrayal that eventually erode even the strongest relationship.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Approach Mind, Body, Sex for Women

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

“Tantra refers to this step [of re-directing sexual energy through relaxation instead of tension] as placing a foot on the first step of the ladder of growth.” Richardson

Why does it usually seem that our spiritual practices are so separate from our sexual behavior? In the interest of body-mind integration, BoBuReview checks out a non-Buddhist book on sexual tantra, or tantra yoga, to see if and/or where there are any lines of convergence between our upper and lower charkas.

TantraIf we follow Buddhism’s middle way, we know the wisdom of avoiding extremes. Over-indulgence in sex will not help us on the path to realization. But neither will pretending we don’t have bodies, or trying to repress/deny/ignore our sexuality. We need to work intelligently with our vital energy – thigles, in Tibetan – otherwise practice can become dry, dull, or overly intellectual. And to be frank, most of us could use some sexual healing.

For practitioners especially, the more we understand our sexuality, the more likely we are to channel it into spiritually-productive pathways. As author Diana Richardson says, “As prevalent as sex is, it is a rare person who has discovered a way to derive full satisfaction or a loving heart from its practice.” Ms. Richardson is rather like a tantric goddess who has come to give us some much-needed sexual instruction, but from a spiritual perspective.

Diana Richardson is dynamically unembarrassed about sex, as well as learned in healthy ways of using it to open our hearts and enhance awareness. She describes the ascending and descending phases of sexual energy; the spiritual path emphasizes the former, while the biological emphasizes the latter.

“Tantra refers to this step [of re-directing sexual energy through relaxation instead of tension] as placing a foot on the first step of the ladder of growth.” Richardson claims that our tendency of “goal-orientation,” making sex into another item on our already-full To Do list, results in haste, which “effectively and seriously” represses our sexual energy. In this regard, Richardson’s book is a stand-in for a sex therapist who would first remind us to reclaim our sexuality before we can use tantra to transform it. “We only know how to ‘do’ in love, and not how to ‘be’ in love.”

Richardson gives many specific practices to counteract our cultural uncomfortability with sex. “In the Western world . . . we keep busy to avoid facing the insecurities or anxieties we may feel about love and intimacy.” Even more relevant may be her insight that sexual tension “lives on as frustrated desire [lung, in Tibetan], that accumulates with time and is continually seeking release.” (And, needless to say, ends up being a destructive force in our lives if left unhealed.)

Yet, when we “validate sexuality by incorporating consciousness . . . we discover sex to be a [natural] healing spiritual force.” Contrary to ordinary sexual attraction, which tends to decrease over time, Richardson states that with tantra, “attraction increases [as] the sexual experience gets finer and finer.”

One of the more surprising statements she makes, based on years of study, practice, and counseling her own clients, is that Tantra’s “positive poles of love” are the male organ and the female breasts. “These two polarities must be drawn into love-making in order to avoid great dissatisfaction in sex.”

Diana Richardson claims that real female kundalini energy “lies not at the spinal base . . . but in the breasts.” She elaborates on her findings in a thought-provoking section on generating sexual energy through polarity. “Making love in this way, utilizing polarity, begins the process of establishing a powerful energy field between and within two bodies. Bio-electricity flowing within the magnetic field follows a spiral path . . . the kundalini energy, located at the base of the male spine.”

“The Heart of Tantric Sex” makes it clear that when the breasts (and thus the heart) of a woman “are fully resonant, this snake [of kundalini energy] will implode, gracefully unwinding and giving way within.” Which might result in what many people are looking for with coitus, i.e., the best sex ever.

Improved gender relations involve a return to true masculine-feminine polarity, not as dominant-submissive, but as attractive opposite forces that complement each other. “Falling into balance through this intrinsic polarity creates harmony, understanding, respect, and mutual appreciation.”

For those on the path who are in loving relationships, the art of sexual tantra (as opposed to deity practice) is the “union of sex and meditation . . . awareness transforms sex into love.” While I’m not sure there is such a thing as easy sex magic, Richardson writes like a tantric dakini who wants us to share in the joys of sacred sex.

“Tantra roots the consciousness in the body and uses it as a constant reference point, enabling us to stay increasingly in the present moment . . . Indeed [since] the body is the only thing that exists in the present moment, learning to live through the body increases our chances of overall happiness.”

Even though everyone presumably enjoys orgasm, if not multiple orgasms, obviously tantric love-making isn’t for everyone. It requires that we take the time to be still and drop our agendas and allow our emotions, tears as well as laughter, to come to the surface. All of which can be very unsettling for the ego – and precisely why it can be good for spiritual practice.

As an expert in tantra techniques, Richardson is an unapologetic crusader for a return to “a sense of uncontrived aliveness in the body, which is as essential to the act of meditation as it is to making love.”

She outlines a series of exercises, including tantric massage, to enhance this aliveness, from using our breathing as a bridge between mind/thinking and body/feeling, to deep, open-eyed gazing between partners to increase emotional connection, to communicating how we’re feeling in the present moment, including during the act of sex.

“The more the mask of the personality is challenged and dissolved, the deeper the experience of Tantric union.”

If we can question our sexual conditioning and reframe sex as a support for our spiritual practice, incorporating some of Richardson’s tantric lovemaking ideas, we may be able to transform ordinary desire into a rare and delightful fuel on the path to awakening for the benefit of all sentient beings.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article