Ready to be single again? Sure, we’ve all been there. The problem is: you’re also an adult. An adult who respects yourself. And you can’t just ghost someone, make a scene or even push him away. Maybe you’ve been there or had too much therapy or respect other humans in a way that makes you, my friend a good person.
If this is you, here are eight kindly ways to breakup with him or her that will make them respect you in a way that your actions truly warrant!
You must be honest with the person. But you certainly don’t have to be a brutal about it. If you don’t feel you have enough in common, tell him or her that. If his hygiene isn’t great or she’s a mess , tell them. If you think he’s a closet racist,, perhaps tell the person you don’t have enough in common.
The more honest you are with your soon-to-be ex, the more you’ll be able to help them move on.
2. Write down your thoughts.
Things can get heated during a break-up conversation. It’s important to stay focused and not be swayed by words or emotion. If you feel you can be swayed, it’s not really a break up talk at all. Writing things down will help you find some clarity and make sure you articulate what you need to in the charged arena of “the talk.”
3. Ask questions.
While it’s important to stick to your points about your own thoughts and feelings, it’s equally important that you’re giving your partner the floor to express their feelings. After all, it’s a dialogue, not a monologue.
Questions like “how are you feeling right now?” “Are you okay?” and “Do you understand?” are all incredibly important pieces of the breakup puzzle in order that you be adult and mature in cutting ties. Then listen, because he or she will know if you’re not. Give your significant other time to talk it out to illustrate you truly respect his or her role in your life.
Even if the romantic portion of your relationship is over, it doesn’t mean the respect is gone.
4. Come prepared and have a game plan.
How do you see this thing going? Everyone is different, so remember, based on who your soon-to-be-ex is, make sure you go over best and worst case scenarios to prepare.
Do you think he’ll never want to see you again? If so, bring his stuff. Do you think he’ll want to remain friends? Then invite him to an event or show that you might be participating in.
It’s also important to know how you feel as you proceed, and be prepared if it doesn’t go your way. If it gets to long, for example, say you have to be somewhere. Don’t ever lose control in the wake of a breakup. it’ll be easier on both of you if you maintain some control over the event.
5. Ask how he would like to proceed.
As important as it is for you to have a game plan, it’s also crucial that you ask your ex how they see your future interactions going. Does he want to be friends? Have some space? Never see you again?
That’s his or her prerogative, and even if it’s not what you want, you must respect what they need. After all, you’re breaking up with them, so they might feel vulnerable and feel you’re at an advantage.. He or she gets to decide how he wants to move past the initial shock and beyond.
6. Be generous with your time and possessions.
It’s not all fair in love and war.. Since you’re doing the breakup, it’s incredibly important that you are willing a couple on the chin in the spirit of being kind (see #8). That’s what maturity is all about!
It means you might have to let them use your Netflix for a few more more months, or give him back your favorite sweatshirt you love. Whatever it is, it’s very important to let your ex decide on the possessions/conscious uncoupling. That way he or she can feel like is being treated with dignity and respect.
7. Create boundaries that work for both of you.
I’ve talked about communication and honesty, but it’s also very important to have boundaries so all those good things can be upheld. Boundaries are the break-up skeleton. Without it, the thing could fall apart after a few drinks or a lonely night.
Establish ground rules about communication and friends, and when in doubt, assume you won’t hang out with a fun mutual friend if you aren’t sure you should.
Be kind and give your ex some space. Don’t post something about dating on Facebook right away if you’re still connected. If you must, make a special friend group so he or she won’t see. In an age where everything can be shared, it’s important to try and be disciplined about it.
If there is something you read or see that reminds you of your ex, try and restrain yourself for their sake. Give your ex some time and err on the side of maturity.
8. Be kind.
Remember, you started dating this person for a reason, and I hope part of that reason was that they were pretty rad. Be kind to someone you’ve had fun and intimate moments with. Even if she or if he was a jerk, part of being a grown-up is being kind to people who may not necessarily deserve it. In the spirit of an adult breakup, I implore you to be kind.
Breakups are awful and we’ve probably all been there Chances are, you’ll probably be there again, so get some karmic cred by keepin’ it kind.
Read more stories like this such as, The Reasons Why Men Suffer More After a Breakup, Good Times to Connect With Your Ex, and If You Have Broken Up with Your Partner, Can You Get Those Feelings Back?