Revive Your Hair After A Summer Of Fun

Hair Care is Self Care

After a summer spent soaking up the sun and spending time outdoors, your hair may be in need of some TLC. The sun, salt and chlorine can take its toll and damage your hair. Here are some ways to show your hair some love and get a fresh start for fall.

Sun

UV rays can dry out hair, much like it can for skin. UV protecting sprays are a great way to prevent sun damage. Spray them on your hair before heading out in the sun and reapply after getting wet. If the damage is already done, use moisturizing shampoos and conditioners.

Leave in masks are also a great product to pamper your hair. Masks will deep condition your hair to give the extra boost of moisture it needs. Try them once or twice a week for best results. Some DIY masks can be just as helpful as store bought ones.

Face of a beautiful woman with summer flowers in her hair

Salt Water

Salt water can give your hair texture, but it will severely dry it out and cause damage. After a day at the beach or doing water sports, try and rinse the salt water out of your hair as soon as possible to minimize your exposure. Also, before going into the ocean, run your hair under fresh water. Our hair can only absorb so much water, so if you go into the ocean with it already wet, less salt water will be absorbed.

After washing your hair with shampoo and conditioner, you may also want to try a leave-in conditioner. This will help lock in moisture when you hair is dried out by salt. You can also apply leave in conditioner before going in the ocean for extra protection. For a home remedy, try coconut oil. Heat up coconut oil and apply to hair and scalp for 15 minutes. Rinse off with water and then shampoo out.

bright colored flying hair

Chlorine

The same technique of rinsing your hair with fresh water before going in the ocean also applies to the pool. The goal is to get your hair to absorb as little chlorine as possible. Since chlorine is a chemical, rinsing it off with water or shampoo and conditioner as soon as possible is best.

People with lighter hair can have discoloration from chlorine buildup. Blonde hair can turn green, so specialized shampoos can help prevent buildup and keep color vibrant. Charcoal infused shampoos are a great option. Nancy Twine, the founder of the hair-care line Briogeo says, “The pores on charcoal’s surface allow for meaningful absorption of toxins and impurities, beyond what a standard shampoo can do.”

Give Your Hair A Break

After all of these elements have been taking its toll on your hair, give you hair a break from heated styling tools like curling irons, straighteners and blow dryers. After washing your hair, towel dry it and massage in your favorite product to control frizz. Let it air dry or braid it in a single braid or pigtails to get some beachy waves going. Because beachy waves are not just for summer!

Anonymous Woman With Red Hair And Blue Sky.woman On Her Back Wit

Try A Co-Wash

One of the many things I learned from Queer Eye’s Jonathan Van Ness is that he does not like sulfates! So now neither do I! Sulfates wash away your hair’s natural oils and we want those olls! So instead of using shampoo and conditioner, try only using a co-wash.  A co-wash is a cleansing conditioner that removes debris and dirt but won’t strip your hair of its oils. You can also wash your hair less often with a co-wash. Washing one to three times a week is recommended. So go co-wash your way to co-nfidence!

For more articles on self love, check out  Learning Self-Love During Swimsuit Season

Simple Yoga Poses to Do With Your Partner

Recently, my husband and I have been trying to exercise together more. We love the bonding time and it’s fun to get to challenge each other. We run on treadmills next to each other, take fitness classes, and even lift weights.

But perhaps our favorite exercise to do together is yoga.

I’ve always loved yoga. It helps to relax my mind and strengthen my body at once, but now that I’m doing it with my husband, I’ve found a whole other side of it. There’s something so special about sitting together in a pose, quieting our minds together and even helping each other find the right stretch.

While we love taking yoga classes, we also love practicing easy poses in the mornings and in the evenings after work. These poses make us feel physically ready before we start the day and help us relax before heading to bed. Plus, it gives us some quality time to focus on each other.

We might not be the most experienced, strongest, or most flexible yogis in the world, but we feel so connected and refreshed when we take the time to do just a few simple poses.

yoga poses

Here are 7 great (and simple) couple poses that you and your partner can do at home too.

Partner Seated Spinal Twist

Lots of people forget to stretch their back but it feels so good to give your spine a twist after a long day of sitting in the office. It’s even more fun when you get to do it with your partner.

For this pose, you’ll start by sitting back to back in a cross-legged position. Both of you will reach back with your right hands and place it on your partner’s left thigh. Then, put your left hands on your own right knees. Once you’re in position, practice breathing together, lengthening your spine on the inhale and twisting on the exhale. When you feel you’ve twisted as far as you can go, switch sides and twist the other way.

Simple Partner Camel

The traditional Camel Pose can give you a great backwards stretch, but it can be a little challenging for new yogis. There’s a little bit of balance involved and it requires a fair amount of flexibility. This partner version will give you the same back stretch and you might find it to be a little easier.

Sit back to back again. This time you can sit criss-crossed or in the “butterfly” position with the soles of your feet touching and your knees out. Take a few breaths as you focus on strengthening your back, pushing against each other. Coordinate so that one of you leans backward as the other bends forward. The one who is bending forward can reach their hands out in front of them to get a good stretch (this is also good for stabilization). Move slowly, breathing as you go, and communicate so neither of you are ever uncomfortable. When you’re ready, switch.

Seated Cat Cow

You might have seen or done a traditional Cat Cow Pose before, where the yogi goes on their hands and knees and switches between an arched back and a rounded back.

With the couple’s version of this pose, you get that same stretch but with the added benefit of your partner’s support. You’ll sit cross-legged facing each other. Grab each other’s forearms and practice good posture by pulling your shoulders back and down. Inhale as you look up, allowing your back to arch a little and your head to go back as far as feels comfortable. When you exhale, bring your chin to your chest and round your back, bringing your gaze to your tummy. Move slowly and repeat this motion for as long as feels good to you both.

Seated Bound Angle

This one is a great stretch for your legs.

Sit facing your partner with a nice, tall spine. Decide who will go first and who will go second. Have “Partner One” bring the soles of their feet together in butterfly while partner two extends their legs forward so that the soles of “Partner Two’s” feet touch partner one’s shins. (Note: those legs do not have to be completely straight. If you aren’t very flexible, you might want to keep a slight bend in your knees to protect your hamstrings.) Next, grab each other’s forearms. Partner Two will gently pull Partner One forward so that they fold over their legs, using their shins for leverage. Make sure you are communicating and listening to each other as you breath. The one bending forward should try to lean into the stretch on the exhale but should never go farther than is comfortable.

When Partner One feels they are done, switch positions.

Back to Back Shoulder Stretch

This stretch is great for giving your shoulders a little stretch, and can help both you and your partner with your posture!

For this stretch, the two of you will stand back to back and extend your arms into a “T” position. Interlace your fingers with your palms touching and pick a partner to go first. Gently, the first person should bring their hands just a little bit forward, pulling on their partner’s hands to create a stretch across their chest and shoulders. Then, you’ll switch. Communicate to ensure your partner’s comfort. This pose can give you a deep stretch so be careful not to move too quickly.

yoga pose couple

Back to Back Chair

Sometimes doing yoga together is just as much an exercise in communicating and working together just as it is a physical activity. The Back to Back Chair Pose is one of those. You’ve probably seen the non-couple version of this pose before, often done against a wall. When done correctly, it looks like someone is sitting in an invisible chair. For this version, instead of using a wall, you’ll use your partner.

Just as with the last pose, you’re going to start this one back to back. So, stand firmly against one another. Communicate as you slowly take small steps forward. Stop when you find your knees at a 90 degree angle. Your backs will still be pushing up against each other and your feet will planted in the ground, but you’ll be in a mirrored sitting position, supporting each other.

Old this pose for as long as you can, taking breaks when you need them.

Partner Boat Pose

This pose can be a little challenging for new yogis but if you’re ready for a balance and flexibility challenge, this one can be a lot of fun.

First, you’ll sit facing each other with feet on the ground and knees bent in front of you. Reach forward and hold hands outside of the knees. You should be just far enough away to not be able to bend your arms to reach your partner’s hands. If you’re sitting too close or too far, adjust.

You might want to sit in this spot for a few breaths to center yourself and find your balance. When you are both ready, lift one foot each (of corresponding legs) and touch your feet sole to sole. Strengthen those legs upward. Do the same with the other legs so that each of your legs are touching each other. If you look at yourselves in a mirror, you should look like the letter “A” with your legs forming the two sides and your arms as the horizontal line in the middle.

Be sure to engage your core and don’t forget to breath.

yoga exercise

Hopefully you and your partner have lots of fun with these poses. You might even end up getting hooked and practicing yoga every day together. Not only will you get to improve your flexibility (and maybe get a little stress relief) but you’ll be able to spend that quality time with your honey—which makes it all the more wonderful.

Why I’ve Decided to Institute Self-Care Fridays

After having a serious panic attack last spring, I decided to begin self-care Fridays.

After my dog died in April, I never imagined how much it would affect me. It took an episode of extreme panic for me to realize that I was not only stressed out and suffering from the grief of losing my dog, but I was in serious need of some self-care.

I finally realized, I need to do something for myself—I needed to love myself more in order to stay mentally healthy. I decided to institute self-care Fridays for myself and came to some important realizations.

The Importance of Self-Care

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, stress affects your entire body, both physically and mentally. Common stress signs include headaches, insomnia, aches, pains and tense muscles and stomach issues. After Moe passed away, I finally realized I was not only experiencing deep emotions of grief but also stress from wondering what life would be like post-Moe. I found myself getting into an anxious spiral, worried if Moe was what was keeping my boyfriend and myself together, and if his loss would have a profound effect on our relationship. I am now relieved enough to be so happy that I was aware enough to realize that I needed to take care of myself first. By making sure I am taken care of, I can devote more time to my relationships.

Easy Ways to Care for Yourself

After dealing with another anxiety flare-up, I decided every Friday I would do something to care for myself. I’ve done simple things like get a Starbucks iced coffee in the morning before work, or pause in the middle of freelance writing to use my portable foot massager for a quick 15 minute time out. Sometimes I just stop what I’m doing in the middle of my day and go for a walk around the block.

I’ve also done larger-scale things too, like go get a spa pedicure at my favorite nail salon or see a movie by myself and get a big bag of salty popcorn. There are plenty of other ways to take care of yourself too, including ordering your groceries instead of trekking to the supermarket or just getting some exercise. Sometimes, freeing up your time is helpful for your own mental health too.

self care - take care of yourself

Why Fridays?

You’re probably thinking, why did you decide on Fridays to do nice things for yourself? I have always seen Fridays as the celebration of making it through the end of the week. I know if I can get to Friday in one piece, I have a weekend ahead of me to rest and relax.

I think some of it stems from my childhood too. Friday night was family pizza night in my house. We would often all get together and watch nostalgic shows like the old TGIF lineup or The Simpsons.

My Realization Once I Started My Self-Care Fridays

During the times I set aside for myself every Friday, I began to come to a few realizations. Every time I have felt very anxious, especially to the point of fainting, I was not properly caring for myself. I was not eating healthy, or I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I was often so stressed about what others thought of me. I also began to see just how hard I am on myself. I now see that during the time I set aside for self-care, I can better reflect on what bothers me.

While my Friday tradition is still fairly new, I appreciate that it is slowly helping me discover more about my anxiety, my “triggers” and how to better cope with what concerns me on a daily basis. It has even inspired me to start seeing a therapist every other week. In short, I’m learning how to love and accept myself.

The concept of self-care may seem gimmicky these days, but it really just comes down to learning what’s right for you. There are so many options. Next time you feel overwhelmed, take some time for yourself. By setting self-care into your regular routine, you’re more likely to stick to it. I’m sure glad I did.

self-care

Are you feeling stressed out and now sure how to deal with it? You’ll want to read this.

5 Ways Self-Esteem Affects Your Sex Life

Self-esteem is sexy.

When your self-esteem is low (or non-existent), your sex life can suffer.

Here are five ways self-esteem can affect your sex life.

1. Self-esteem and intimacy

Self-esteem can have an effect on intimacy in the bedroom. Think about it, if you don’t feel you are deserving of love, you might not feel comfortable receiving it. It takes courage to understand that you are deserving of love and to convey your feelings to your partner. With that bravery comes self-acceptance. Once you’ve managed to become more self-accepting, it’s easier to let someone in. My journey to self esteem has been a bumpy one. There are still times where I don’t think I’m deserving of good things that happen in my relationship. I have to stop and take a step back, remembering that I am worthy of love—and you should too!

2. Low self-esteem and your sex life

We’ve all been there—feeling bloated and unattractive and not wanting to have sex. When those days end up being the majority of your time, that is when problems begin. By letting your self-esteem get in the way of your sex life, you are missing out on wonderful experiences and memories. Sometimes it’s hard to get past body issues and just give in to the intimacy. I’ll never forget the first time I was in bed with my boyfriend, worried about what Bridget Jones called “my wobbly bits.” Turns out he actually liked them! Getting past your insecurities is tough but oh so worth it when it comes to sex.

intimate couple

3. Recognizing when sex is being used for the wrong reasons.

Part of having high self-esteem is recognizing when sex is being used for the wrong reasons. I am all for being a bit more traditional, waiting a few dates and then doing the deed. If you’re finding yourself having sex on the first date and not because you are being a feminist and getting it on whenever you damn well please, take a look inside yourself. If you feel like sex is all you have to offer, talk to someone. Even if it’s just a friend, sharing your feelings with someone can help immensely. Having sex just to get someone to like you (or stay in a relationship with you) is not a good road to go down. 

4. Being guarded and missing out

If your low self-esteem is making you a guarded person, you may be missing out on good things that happen in your life—i.e. great sex wIth an even greater person. If you find yourself acting guarded in your relationships, there could be a multitude of reasons behind it. For example, it may be because your parents had an ugly divorce when you were old enough to remember it. You may have been hurt deeply in a past relationship and have trouble allowing people fully in. I know I did this myself after a painful breakup. I was so scared of letting another person in that it took awhile, and lots of slow steps to open up my heart again. A lot of patience, praying, journaling and talking things out with friends helped.

couple cuddling

5. Body image, low self-esteem and your sex life

I’ve been a plus-size person my whole life. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt embarrassed about my body. In my 20s, no matter what I weighed or what size I was (and I definitely fluctuated) I still felt like I wasn’t worthy of intimate partnerships. It took the entire decade for me to realize that most men don’t care about whether or not you look like a model. They often find you attractive after getting to know you as a person (it sounds corny but I promise it’s true!). There are plenty of reasons for having low self-esteem when it comes to body image, including believing you must be a certain size or weight to be happy or conforming to beauty ideals from the media. Not letting those thoughts invade your mind all the time is hard, but can be done with lots of patience, understanding and self-love.

body positivity

How to Help Yourself

There are so many ways to help yourself if you’re feeling like your self-esteem is getting in the way of your sex life. There’s Talkspace, a web-based mobile therapy company based out of New York City. You can also become a member of LoveTV for expert tools and advice when it comes to relationships. Low self-esteem support groups are available too, to talk to those who feel the same way as you.

A Shamanic Approach to Experiencing Menopause with Empowerment and Joy

Have you considered the phases of your journey as a female gendered being?  Our lives are so multi-layered, and our paths may seem to be laid out for us, from the earliest of ages.  Let’s take a moment to consider some of the aspects of being in a feminine body on grandmother earth.

We begin as an infant, toddler, little girl… And when we reach puberty and begin our monthly cycle of bleeding, we become physically able to birth physical children.  The experiences of being fertile for 30 plus years, and the hormones that go along with the ability to conceive physical children, is a strong, unrelenting influence in our lives.  Many of us may create our identity around this phase, whether we are consciously aware of it or not.

What happens when we stop bleeding and are no longer able to birth physical children?  We received a fair amount of information and guidance for our bleeding years, but there is not much to guide us in our non-bleeding years.

It is not uncommon to encounter beliefs that menopause is the end of a woman’s productive years, and that her fate now is to grow old, become increasingly unattractive, and no longer have value in her world.

The good news is that we continue to be fertile, in different ways.  We possess all that we need to become matriarchs and caretakers for the coming generations, bringing a different kind of joy and meaning to our own lives and the lives around us.

My girlfriend and co-author, Karin, and I orchestrated some shamanic ceremonies for women about menopause and realized, more information is needed!  Our little book explores a shamanic approach to menopause as a Rite of Passage, through connection to all the worlds we live with – the humans, the plants, the animals, spirit, and the minerals. It contains common sense approaches to a wonderful, though little understood, phase in a woman’s life.

We both learned about rites of passage through the teachings of the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society, an organization that supports a spiritual path that provides teachings, ceremonies and tools for our human quest for growth. Razel is a shamanic ceremonialist and a senior teacher on this path offering many in-person and online classes. In 2022, at sixty-eight years young, she lives in the high desert of Arizona with her husband of twenty years on a fully off-grid property with chickens and a greenhouse dome growing sustenance all year round.

We invite you to take some moments to read this lovely book and discover more of your potential now.  Purchase Experience Menopause with Joy and Empowerment Amazon.com or Smashwords.com